take better care of myself

Julia Cameron has written a new book, entitled “The Writing Diet: Write yourself Right-Size”. The excerpt I read suggested that when we get the urge to snack, we should instead ask ourselves (pen and paper in hand, of course) “What is eating me that is causing me to want to eat?”

That single question makes me want to read this book. Even if I don’t do any of the exercises, I have a feeling it will help me to re-think food and my relationship to it.

I know I eat to soothe. I have a feeling I also eat to make myself un-attractive. Because if I’m unattractive then I don’t have to worry about attention from anyone, and if I’m not being paid any attention, then I’m safe. Safe from what, I don’t know. I have a scary thought that keeps popping up from the recesses of my brain, but I don’t think I’m ready to explore it just yet. Writing about it here it my way of testing the idea/theory out, kind of circling it, the way the hunter tracks his kill. Because if I’m correct, then I need to kill this beast before it gets the better of me.

I’ve started a new way of living: eating raw before noon.

My health has come more into the spotlight lately, and moreso my diet. I am a firm believer that our diet holds the keys to our ultimate health and well-being. I try to listen to my body and particularly my cravings for certain types of food to see what I am lacking in, nutritionally speaking. However, I can go overboard on healthy eating, especially in reference to portion sizes. This is an area that I’m slowly working on. Baby steps…

Anyway, at the same time, I’ve been introduced to the idea of raw foods and I’m quite intrigued by it all. So, when poking around online, I found endless resources and ideas, but didn’t really know how to implement any of the suggestions. I was speaking to a friend about it, and she suggested I look up this website to get some ideas. I found a great-sounding recipe for a raw breakfast ‘granola’ that I decided I would use as my first foray into the world of raw eating. I have to say I’m VERY happy with the results so far. I was full for hours off a half-cup serving of the recipe – that never happens!

So far, so good.

I have to stop with the salt. This is getting ridiculous.

Reeeeeeediculous.

I am not my friend for the amount of wine I convinced myself to consume on St. Patrick’s Day.

ooooooohhhhh my belly…..

Following my miscarriage last summer, I have been battling anemia. The results from my last blood test showed that my hemoglobin was normal, but not my ferritin. Ferritin is the protein that stores iron in the body. My doctor said she thought I could get enough of it from my diet.

The other day I had a massage from my friend, and she asked me if I felt okay after the treatment. I was suprised by her question – I mean, I just had a massage!! Pretty hard to feel bad after that! She told me that I had absolutely no colour in my face. I’ve been noticing that in myself lately. But I just figured it was my normal self. We talked about being anemic for a little while, and I figured out why I’ve been so stiff in the mornings. I’ve been sleeing “hard” (her words) because my body’s been starving for oxygen. I took an iron supplement two days ago and I can still feel its effects.

I need to take it more often. I don’t think I could handle it every day – my tummy dost protest – but once every few days should help me immensely.

to the gym.

not sure if i’ll be able to get back there this week, but today was a start.

I guess I should be putting this under “continue losing weight…” but instead I’m going to leave it here. The biggest part of taking care of myself is treating my body like a temple – the better quality of things I put into my body via nutrition, emotions, and physical thrings, the better quality I will be able to get out of it. So….I need to start a cardio/weight program asap. My coworker has not pushed the issue, which is what I generally wait for. But now I realise that its all up to me. I have to do this, and WANT to do this, for ME.

So while part of me wants to do it for someone I know who has been trying to steal FB away from me – I want to show off a killer body and glare her down – I really want to do it for me. I want to be proud of ME.

This is a big part of taking better care of myself.

I’m not sure if I posted it in this goal or not, but my Godmother passed away on Friday night. She was a wonderful, loving, selfless, caring, and giving person. I love her so much, and will miss her terribly.

My cousins (two sisters) are fighting with each other; this is nothing new. They have fought for years, but I guess this one is a bad one. I am closer with one than the other, but the one I am not close with (“J”) I feel needs my help more than the one I am close with (“C”). C and I are very, very, very tight. We know more about each other than we do about ourselves. And while C has been a rock for me during this whole new direction my life has taken, I can’t deal with her shit right now. I don’t know if it’s because I feel bad for J and feel like C is being a bitch, or if it’s just that in general, I can’t handle other people’s shit right now.

Or maybe I just don’t care?

I’m not sure.

I do know that I am hurt that C has not yet said anything about the news that Aunt A passed away.

Anyway, I just sent her an email telling her that I still want to hear from her, and that I understand her situation is really difficult, but that I just don’t know what to say. I don’t feel like I can give anyone advice right now. Not just her; everyone. I just can’t handle anyone else’s shit.

I hope that I have not hurt her with my words, I tried to be as tactful and respectful and supportive as I feel I can right now, but I just don’t know how to help her.

I feel good about doing this.

I have taught myself to say NO to clients. I am doing good with this; I am happy that it has come so easy to me. I am so grateful that they are so understanding.

Taking time out for ME is the first step of self care that I am mastering.

So my coworker is an “Elite Trainer” at a chain of gyms here; I had been going to a different gym, and then cancelled the memebership since I wasn’t going (my gym got taken over by the “elite” gym and I hate them and their fake~ness [as in, OHMYGOD!!! We’re like, best friends because we got to the gym together, right?!]). Then in exchange for putting a ballot box in our office, they gave us a free one month membership. I activated it, and the manager pissed me off so much that I never went. It has since expired.

However, recognizing the need I have to have a drill sargent of sorts kick my ass into shape, I asked coworker if she’d be willing to exchange treatments for training. She said yes. So I don’t have an excuse, since she will rain pain down upon me for not going.

So we’re doing this. Getting over there to vent my frustrations on the treadmill will be good for me.