get a better job

Because of pain I’m having in my right hand (mainly). No conclusive diagnosis. I was told to take anti inflammatories, ice it, wear a brace, and take time off work. Rrrrrrrrrrrrright. Taking time off work doesn’t really work when you’re self-employed. I mean, I can take as much time as I’d like, but I’d quickly run into problems paying bills and saving money and such.

So I just spent the last three hours or so looking at online ads for jobs in the area. Guess what? I’m pretty much only qualified to do menial labour, retail, and the occaisonal receptionist position. So much for my lofty ideas of making oodles of money at something other than the job I already have.

To cap it all off, while I have no clients booked tomorrow, my coworker called me and left me a message saying that I “had” to open for her because she had to stay home with her sick daughter. I want to call her back and tell her too effing bad, get your wife to take the afternoon off so you can work the morning, or “it’s not my problem your slobbery child licks every sick kid at daycare, do deal”, or better yet, just call our boss and tell her to suck my ass.

Of course, I will do none of the above, because I am a pushover loser who bends over and takes it up the arse at every possible chance. And now I’m a pushover loser who takes it up the arse with a busted hand that is only going to get worse as time goes on, but I’m so specifically qualified, I can’t get any other job that pays as well (HAR HAR HAR) as this one, so I’ll stay here and aggravate this condition and eventually end up with claw hands, rocking in my chair in the corner talking to myself.

• Yes, I do realise how pathetic this entry is. But I’m feeling pathetic and whiny and “poor-me” right now and I really can’t see any good that’s going to come out of this situation. I DESPISE my so-called boss, and can barely tolerate my whiny coworkers who get away with murder. So please, allow me this rant, and think good “resolution” thoughts for me, if you could.

An update to the job interview a month ago: great guy, beautiful clinic, but charging too much and offering too little. Wants $500 more a month, doesn’t do advertising, and therapists are responsible for doing laundering of linens in the back of the clinic. So nice, yet so wrong.

I was working on convincing myself that the place I am now is not so bad. Until today when my commute in took an hour and forty-five minutes.

I’m gonna have to man up and face facts sooner or later. If I want a successful relationship and relative inner peace, I’m going to have to leave this place. It’s just getting from here to there I have problems with.

Ahhh committment; the bane of my existence.

I haven’t gone for a job interview in six years. I don’t even have a current CV. I knew about the opening from an aquaintance, then a friend told me about it, and so I emailed the employer. Gave him a brief work bio and my strengths and training, and I just had an email back asking me to come in on Saturday. There are some HUGE pros and cons to me taking this job.

Pros: closer to home = shorter commute = less $$$ for gas, no parking fees, and best of all, no bus trip after a half hour drive. Bigger clinic with pro athlete clients. More treatment rooms means more chance of me actually doing the treatments I want to, and therefore making more money (doing 2 at once). If I could tweak the hours enough, The Man and I could travel in one car. Also a shorter work week than what I have now would give me time to do my private housecalls, rather than having to book time off from work hours to do them. Wouldn’t have to bring any of my own equipment in = less $$$ out when those things break/need repair. Hopefully getting a friendship back with my current boss. Walk in, work my shift, go home. No stress. Easier to save money because no tempting shops in the immediate area to blow my earnings on (do groceries count?)

Cons: leaving an established clientele I’ve worked hard to build up over six years. Becoming the bottom person on the totem pole in terms of booking new clients. Leaving my friend’s place when she needs me. Not making mad money when boss is off on Mat leave and I’m covering for her. No longer being downtown and able to go out after work with friends. No more running along the canal after work. Far from dentist/chiro/massage therapist/esthetician – all are good friends. Maybe less free rein than what I have now? Leaving some truly amazing clients behind, whom I will miss terribly.

I feel like I have less cons. This surprises me.

More thinking to be done….

seems like I’m always talking about this goal…and not doing anything about it.

I told my coworker today that I have to quit; this job is sucking the life out of me. We promised each other that we’d keep our mouths shut to the owner, since coworker got offered another job at a better clinic today. And it’s full time. And it’s closer to her other job training at a local gym.

I absolutely LOVE helping people…but I can’t stand the mentality of “well, I love the work you do for me, and I love how much you’ve helped me to get my health back, but I can only afford to come and see you X number of times because that’s all my insurance will cover.” Well, then you clearly don’t value the work I’ve done, because if you did, you’d come regardless. I understand about mortgages, kids, hydro bills, and eating…. you don’t think I have bills too? I choose to spend my money on my health and well being, regardless of what my insurance will cover. I spent over $1200 at my chiropractor alone last year. I only got $400 back. But I’m not complaining, because without it, I woulnd’t have the money to pay for the insurance in the first place.

I guess that’s what it comes down to. Because I’m self employed and have to work – HARD – for every penny, I value it more than government shmucks who get paid no matter how much they slack off.

Hmm…clearly there’s more to this, since I’m all riled up about it. Ha. Just more work for me to do with the new therapist.

I bought an eBook today called Finding Your True Calling. So far, so good, but I’m not very far into it. I have started doing the exercises, though. That is the most important part.

I’m really keen on starting this process. I have to change, or I risk losing everything.

We have come up with a great idea for an online store. I’m VERY excited. But I need to go and brainstorm more ideas.

This “job” would allow me to be creative as well as help people, and it is something I could do when it comes time to stay home and have babies. I love that part of it.

But effective.

I was talking with a collegue and friend whom I’ve known for about five years now, and we were discussing the ins and outs of owning your own business. She is starting the process of opening her own clinic, and wanted to pick my brain on what my bosses have done that I liked, and what they have done that I did not like. In the midst of my answer she said to me “You really seem like you’d be good at managing people.” I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think my goal is to open my own clinic/spa and be the manager AND owner. I don’t think I will want to continue treating, but if I do, I could always do one or two here and there. But ultimately, I think that being a manager would just be the bees knees for me.

I was thinking about this a lot today. Why would I listen to the chiro? I mean, why would I allow her question to stop me from dreaming? Maybe I don’t want to own a my own clinic, and maybe I do. But allowing her comment to stop me thinking about it is foolish.

If we are all capable of manifesting every single occurrence in our lives, and our current realities are just expressions of past thoughts, then I must have manifested G saying that to me to cut me down because I have poor self-esteem and I was looking for an easy way out of pushing myself to accomplish this goal.

How’s THAT for self-realisation?!

BOO-YA!!!

My chiro today suggested that I make a list of the things I absolutely love to do – not just work wise, but hobbies or interests. Only list the things that I love so much that when I’m doing them, three hours seems like three minutes…. she had asked me about the career counsellor I went to see a few weeks ago, and when i said I’d got some good ideas while I was there, she asked me what they were. So I told her, and she asked me if that was what I was LOVING to do…my answer was that I “really like…” She interrupted me. “I didn’t ask you what you like; I asked you what you LOVE.” I started to cry. Totally unexpectedly and unplanned. She asked me if I was crying because I feel frustrated about not being able to figure out what I really want to do with my life. I think that’s what it was. That’s when she suggested making the list of loveable activities, and then watching for clues to emerge from that.

So here’s where I start: the things I love.

• reading
• writing here/journalling
• sleeping!!
• going for walks
• seeing things
• talking to FB
• helping people feel more comfortable i.e. doing PSW stuff.

I gotta stop; I can barely keep my eyelids open!!

I am reading Dr. John Demartini’s “The Breakthrough Experience” and “Count Your Blessings”. In “Breakthrough” he discusses how to come about finding your true work; basically your soul’s calling. I have a job that I’ve been doing for over five years now. It’s an okay job. Actually, it’s pretty awesome in that I get to chose how much or how little I want to work, and I get to help people; they are always happy when they leave…. can’t really complain! The only thing is that I’m pretty much making the most money doing what I do that I possibly could. So the next step is to open my own place and have people work for me.

So that’s what I’m working on; my business plan so to speak. Right now it’s more of an idea than anything. I now know that I can run a clinic successfully, since that’s pretty much what I’m doing now. My boss and the owner of the clinic I work in is off on Mat leave, and so I’m sort of in charge. She comes in once a week to do financials, but really all we need her for is to sign the cheques. She’s actually got it made. She stays at home (yes, I DO realise having a newborn is no walk in the park), and her business is taken care of, money is coming in, bills are getting paid, shit’s gettin’ done. Why? Because I’m the idiot who agreed to do it for nothing!!! Not truly for nothing, but what I will get in return is useless to me at this point.

Anyway, I made the decision not to stand up for myself, and I am learning because of it. So I am happy.

And now I am off to start brainstorming.