My boyfriend of 10 months works very hard at his job. He works four 13-15 hour days every week and then comes home to pretty much no money because we were both dumb back in the day and are now paying off debt and bills with basically all of our money. We have been through a lot in our time together, raise his 12 month old son together, and are dealing with having to live with his mother (VERY controlling woman). So, he has a lot of stress on his plate. The steel mill he works for called to tell everyone not to come in yesterday because they were doing some rewiring or something with the electric; so, he had an unexpected day off and a babysitter already taken care of because his aunt keeps him overnight for us in the middle of the week. Anyway, I thought “Oh, yay! We can have some us time without having to keep our eye on the baby!” We rarely get that because we can’t afford extra babysitting expenses outside of what we already have for during the work week. Well, he tells me that he is going to a friends house because he needs guy time. This is a completely normal and understandable thing, and any sane person would be just fine with that. But I immediately assume that he doesn’t want to be with me, he doesn’t love me like he used to, or I did something wrong. I don’t know what I did wrong, but it must have been bad. Anyway, thank God my best friend grew up with him and is a generally level-headed individual. I freaked out! I was crying, I was confused, I was mad, I thought he was leaving! As the subject says I AM A SPAZ! THIS is what I mean when I say be less sensitive. He and I talked when he got home last night, and he didn’t do anything wrong. I trust him. This also falls into my goal of letting go of my past. I’ve had ex’s who have cheated on me, gotten drunk or did drugs and then came home and assaulted me…so, I automatically assume he will do the same. But that is not him. And I need to learn that because I don’t want to push him away. He may not be rich, have his own home (for now), have is own car (long story) or anything like that. But he is a great father and a very hard worker…we are still young, and time is the only thing that can change some of the circumstances in our lives. I just don’t want to zap out and push him away. I REALLY need to figure out how to fix this goal. I am moving it up on my list.
ebfields has written 2 entries about this goal
I need to be less sensitive to everyone else’s feelings and needs. Yes, I will always be a caring and compassionate person, and I would give my friends and family the world. But it shouldn’t have to be at the expense of my own happiness and sanity. I don’t expect everyone/anyone to understand why I need what I need when I need it, but I also don’t think I should really have to explain myself every time I do something. I am not doing anything illegal – I’m too exhausted to be much of a risk-taker these days – so, if I feel like taking a nap or reading a book – even though it may take away from my time doing God knows what else – then I should feel okay that I am taking that time for myself. I need to be less sensitive to what everyone else thinks of my actions.
