Keep a journal

I’m restarting Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, and part of that process is to keep morning pages. This will replace my journal for the next while. I wrote three pages this afternoon, and I’m looking forward to developing a regular writing practice.

Bah, this goal is not going well. I went on a trip to visit my family for a few weeks, and I was so busy that I didn’t make the time to write in my journal. I should have just used 43T to jot down my days, but I didn’t have ann internet connection either.

Starting over… Sigh

Still writing every day… I missed an entry when I got busy, but made it up the next day.

Wrote another 3 pages tonight. It’s still a bit formal, but I’m starting to loosen up.

This felt much more comfortable tonight. However, after writing so much in my journal, I don’t know if I’ll have as much to say on 43T anymore, but most of it is complaining anyhow ;)

I’m still getting into the writing groove, but I managed to write three pages yesterday and four pages tonight. I could keep going and going, but I just looked at the clock and it’s 10:30! Horrors, how did it get to be that late?! I was planning on doing a considerable amount of homework and writing my first poem for NaPoWriMo, but that’s a bust.

This is exciting.

I wrote my first journal entry today!!! That may not seem like a big deal, but I have been trying to make myself start writing again for YEARS. It was difficult. I second-guessed every word I wrote, and I still feel uneasy about it. I know I’m a perfectionist, but I found the experience quite shocking. The visual effect of my handwriting on the page must be perfect in order to please me. It just means so much. It’s become a major obstacle in my life, and I can’t articulate it yet. It’s terrifying.

I used to compulsively write and rewrite my journals as a teenager. And the desire hasn’t gone away. I’m VERY tempted to tear out the page, begin again, start fresh. This is such an odd feeling…

Keeping a journal has been at the top of my list for years. I used to write in my journal every day, but now I struggle with any writing-related tasks, both academically and creatively. My partner bought me a pack of my favourite journals for Christmas last year, but I still haven’t used them. Scared, I guess. But what am I scared of?

Well, I’ve started seeing a psychologist for depression and anxiety, and she has prescribed keeping a journal every day. She says not to think of journal writing as creative (because I feel so blocked creatively), but rather as therapeutic. I’m tickled pink, actually. It’s so easy to put it off, so I’m glad that she “assigned” me this task. I’m going to start today, maybe on paper, maybe on the computer. I’m not sure yet, but I’m excited at the idea of getting back into journaling.

I got the journals I wanted for Christmas, and I’m really excited to start using them. I was hoping to start one before January 1, but I haven’t had a chance to sit down and write yet, as I’m in the middle of a move. Soon though!