be more confident in myself

my lack of confidence socially is affecting so many areas of my life, it really gets me down :/ so i have decided from now on, seeing as my top 5 or 6 goals on here are all involving social skills, that i am going to listen to my CD on how to improve confidence daily from now on, not just whenever i need a bit of a boost or a few times a week. i’ve decided that although it might feel a bit of a drag at times, if my shyness is really getting me down that much then surely i can find 1/2 an hour every day to listen to it? i’ve had it for about 1 1/2 years and it’s worked wonders already, i just need to keep using it and have faith :)

ok so in university i’ve improved my confidence a LOT in some ways. i can now go clubbing, talk to lecturers/librarians with little problem, and go shopping regularly alone. however, although i’ve made one or two friends, my confidence has dipped considerably around my flatmates. i get along ok with 1 or 2 of them, but the one is a bitch and makes my life hell. 3/4 of them on the floor (there’s 8 altogether) are really clique-y and bitchy towards me, and yep, i know i’m quiet but if they’d seen me before (in high school) they would realise i’ve improved a lot. i may come across as self-obsessed here (which i am a little- i always imagine everyone staring at me/judging me and am very self conscious- not a habit i can get out of easily) and i think the way i alienated them at the start was the fact that i never seemed relaxed at social events -i was the one standing around awkwardly rather than dancing in the nightclubs as i’m extremely socially anxious and had never even been clubbing before-i was so green compared to them.then a few times i made excuses not to go out as i was so anxious about stuff happening to me (e.g sleazy guys coming onto me, drink spiking etc) and it must have looked a bit unfriendly. now i constantly feel unwanted and uncomfortable around them, but if i stay in my room all day they make fun of me. i’ve made a few friends outside of my floor and go out with them once a week but the rest of the time i’m stuck with my flatmates. i like the accomodation so don’t want to move but i feel so nervous and intimidated by their bitchiness. i often go without meals so as not to have to go into the kitchen and face them, yet they haven’t actually done anything really bad to me, just made covert bitchy comments and generally made me feel excluded, unworthy and “separate” from them. please help me with any advice, i know it’s pathetic but i find it impossible to change, i even listen to a confidence improvement CD once a day and that’s not working much..help!

p.s i really don’t want to move. i like the accomodation and it’s one of the best there. plus if i move it’ll be back to square one..i’m hopeless at talking to new people!

..went to get a job application form the other day and there was a guy of my age standing at the till. i was stil a little awkward but i think i came across as the more confident one. and i could make eye contact without blushing, which is an improvement =)

i’ve improved a heck of a lot with my confidence around guys, and i go out to places a lot more than i used to, such as pubs, cinema, parties etc without feeling so timid. in the past week i had a bit of a panic attack when confronted with a guy i knew from the past and they all crowded around me when my friends had left me but in general, i am glad of this as it was a learning experience (never let your friends wander off without you again-lol) i find it a lot easier to make basic conversation with both guys and my own gender,especially strangers, which is great, now i just need to work on my eye contact and a few other minor things..

yesterday i went to the 6th form leaver’s ball, and i had been nervous about it a little as usually i find it difficult to relax in front of crowds of people and i find it near impossible to dance.. i really can’t dance to save my life normally! also i was really nervous about my parents meeting some of my guy mates before the ball as i am notoriously shy around guys anyway and i was worried about what they would think of my friends and how i would act around them in front of my parents (yeah i’m weird like that!) but you know what, it went great.. our group of friends was actually one of the first on the dancefloor and i was dancing in front of everyone, not caring. i mean to hell with it, i am unlikely to see everyone in my school year together again(unless we have some kind of reunion or something) and life is short. it was nice to be able to live life for once w/out being uber self concious and to be able to lose myself in the moment. my confidence around guys has also improved loads =)

but little things, such as going out in public on days when i would usually hide in the house because i feel too self-conscious/paranoid about what people may think, walking the dog etc. people say that in a way being self-conscious is quite egotistical (i agree-it must be said) but of course if you’re like me, it’s not something you can change overnight by the click of a switch, it takes work! a trick i’ve learnt is to focus your attention OUTSIDE yourself onto others (asking them questions about themselves etc- we all like that)instead of on yourself all the time. it’s hard..it takes work..i’m still very timid compared to most of my age but i’ve improved lots in the past year =)

:D they helped me a bit

ok, so i have some good news. about a year ago, i bought this book & CD called “instant confidence” (not trying to advertise it here, but i recommend it all the same, it’s by paul mckenna if you’re interested) and after listening to the CD every week or so, i had like 3 members of my family say i was more chatty with them & less withdrawn. i mean last year i was pathetic. i couldn’t even say more than 5 words to a guy. i’m still pretty shy now but i have about 5/6 male acquaintances, 2 of which are pretty good mates,which i didn’t have before.
then today as we’re leaving high school this week i had a notebook for people to write messages in, and 4 people said i had become way more confident in the past year. most don’t know about the CD, it’s my little secret ;) but i really think when you’re TOLD you’re confident and it’s a genuine compliment, it makes you even more! and another thing that’s helped a lot in the last week is when i stopped trying to impress people i don’t even like. i’m still far from the confident person i want to be, but if you’re painfully shy then feel free to ask me for advice and i might be able to help =)