Whether it’s what you see in the mirror that you don’t like, or your personality you can’t stand… you won’t be able to live with yourself if you put your inner demons in the backburner, because they won’t let you go, EVER, if you don’t shoot them down as soon as possible.
You can be told a million and one times that “nobody’s perfect” or that you’re “unique in your own way”, but it WILL NOT change your thinking. Someone can dedicate all of their time to try and help you and it will go to waste. Eventually, you’ll just come to realize it, when YOUR specific time comes, why you are the way you are and when that time does come, the rest won’t matter. When you can look at yourself in shallow water and see past the conformist issues everyone worries about, you’ll see yourself. You might even see how much better you are than them.
May it be a physical or emotional discomfort that you have with yourself, mine being mostly physical, you need to realize that it does NOT matter.
Even as I write it, it may sound as if I see myself perfect and I’ve done all this and found myself, but no. I can hear, I can write, I can say it all want, but I’m not there yet.
Lately however, I’ve been taking tiny, tiny, ant-like steps to getting there. And somehow I think that when one of the things I want to desperately do in life, adopt a child, I’ll make a huge, tremendous leap to finding a meaning in life and either accepting myself almost completely or just… not giving a damn about it. Because it won’t be about me anymore.
So I can’t wait for that day. =]
