It occurred to me today when I was writing the final “find a job for the summer” entry that it’s really hard for me to allow myself to feel good about getting something done. It seems like my brain always goes to a place where I criticize myself. Like, why didn’t I do that three weeks ago? Or, with the walking in the woods thing, it’s right out back of my domicile, what the hell is wrong with me that I’ve been here for eleven months and this is only the second time I’ve done that? Etc, etc, etc.
I dunno. It seems like I always feel like I need to do stuff perfectly—which, of course, is a fallacy, because in retrospect one can always think of some way one could have done better. It’s kind of crazy, and I know it is, which of course invites another manifestation of exactly the thing I’m talking about…”Well, you know it’s crazy, so stop doing it.”
Ah, were it only that simple. Hee. I dunno. Given my various neuroses and whatnot, it’s really pretty cool when I get stuff done at all. I crossed three things off my 43things list today—two relatively small ones, one big and important one. Not in the most timely fashion, and not in a completely perfect way. But still. I did the business, and that’s not too shabby at all.
I need to try to keep that in mind.
