stop drinking

I was ticking along just fine, enjoying the odd binge, followed by a week or two of abstinence or even managing for a while to enjoy just the 1 or 2 glasses in an evening and although I was still getting the odd occassion when I was suffering with anxiety, it was mild and not unbearable. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer toward the end of last year. Well of course I tried to use alcohol for escapism at first but found of course that it made the whole thing harder to deal with. So I stopped, I re-evaluated my life and among other things I decided that alcohol has no place in my life anymore. I have 6 months of chemo and radiotherapy ahead of me andd the last thing I need is hangovers on days when I might be feeling better. This will also serve as an excellent reason for not drinking for my fellow drinking buddies who find it so hard to accept when they loose one of the “club members”
Once I have done with all the treatment that should be the end of it. There should be no reason why I cannot carry on living a full and happy life and I intend to make sure I make the most of it! Making every day count, remembering each moment, making full use of my senses, making sure I look after myself so I have my health and energy to do all the things that make me happy and most importantly of all being there 100% for my wonderful, supportive family and freinds.

At last managed to dig deep enough to fight those early stage urges to drink! Now have to stay focussed as the days pass to make sure I don’t forget why I had to stop in the first place.

It’s always the same, after a few weeks have passed I start to reason “well if I can not drink this easiliy how hard can it be to limit the amount” “I’m a grown woman I should have enough self disipline to control it, after all, everyone else seems to be doing O.K” “Does it really matter if I let my hair down, was it so bad, maybe I was just stressing too much about it” “look how much my friends are missing having a good old drink with me, it would be selfish not to, I’m making them feel uncomfortable”

I could go on there are hundreds more. I need to focus on “I can not drink because it WILL lead to more drinking until I feel dreadful, physically and mentally and I look dreadful and I’m right back where I started”

Any tips from any long term abstainers who got through the “doubt” patch, as I like to call that time when you start to doubt whether quitting altogether is the way to go, would be great.

Thanks for all the support getting me through that all important first week :)

P.S. Been having fun making Mocktails to drink while I’m cooking dinner, any recipe suggestions would be great. My fav so far: 1/3 cranberry juice, 1/3 orange juice, 1/3 lemonade with loads of ice and if you put ice and straw in first and pour carefully it’s very pretty too :)

for all the feedback yesterday. I am already taking a herbal remedy that is recommended to cope with periods of irritability, anxiety and stress, I started yesterday as I thought it may help a little. I have also come to the conclusion that I need to plan my evening in a lot more detail during the morning when I am in a “determined not to drink today” frame of mind and do as much preperation as I can to ensure I stick to the plan.
So tonights dinner will be an easy cook then I am meeting up with 2 teetotal girlfriends, my book is next to my made up bed in a tidy bedrooom so I have a nice reason to go straight to bed with a cup of cammomile tea when I get in.
Tomorrow is always a tough one as I don’t get home till late so I am preparing a pasta salad for tea which will be ready to eat as soon as I get in and I will make sure everything is ready for me to have a relxing bath before heading to bed.
I have already made excuses not to attend an event on Friday which would have tested temptation to the limit and now I need to plan something else to do so I’m not sat at home thinking about all the fun my friends are having because that will be a trigger in itself, perhaps I could go to the cinema instead?
In short I need to plan, plan and plan until I’m through this stage then the big task starts – REMEMBERING WHY I STOPPED IN FIRST PLACE! Never made it through that phase yet :(

but sad truth is back on day 1 :( Can’t quite beleive how feeble my last attempt to quit was! Managed 1 day then drank for 3 then managed 1 day sober again before drinking the very next day. Pathetic! Used the “I’m feeling irritable” or the “I’m so angry with that person” or the “I’m so tired but have to cook dinner, I need a boost” excuses along with the “I drank yesterday and today is not great for quitting so I’ll start again tomorrow”.
So annoyed with myself. I want to do this, I need to do this, so why can’t I motivate myself? Been reaidng all the self help I can lay my hands on including Allan Carr’s Easyway to conrol drinking, Jack Trimpey’s Rational Recovery as well as detox books and Caroline Knapps Drinking, a love story.
Everyday I wake up and promiss myself I will nor drink today and then I spend up to an hour arguing with myself before reaching for the bottle most evenings.
I need to want this more than I want a drink, still trying to get in the right mindset :(
Sorry for whining and complaining, this is the only place I can have a moan as family and friends would rather I quit complaining and have a drink :(

thought I’d check in, not been here recently because I returned to drinking again :( Not had any big binges or blackouts but slowly crept back to daily drinking, Sometimes moderate, sometimes enough to make me feel a little tired and slightly anxious the next day but always enough to stop me doing other things I might enjoy in an evening like crafts or reading, something more constructive than just sittng, drinking, wathing T.V. and munching on rubbish and then of course I’m less likely to feel motivated to go exercise the next day.
If I could limit this kind of drinking to weekends or better still, special occassions, it would never be a problem for me but sadly I can’t so it is! Plus there is always that fear that if I have that first drink it could lead to a bigger binge then a blackout, kinda like playing with fire!
Sigh! Time to stop again. Been catching up on some posts here and have to say “Way to go Ryn, Maxene, Becki, Chani, Kaslo and all you others doing so well”.
Totally motivating :) Now just got to get myself through the next few evenings trying not to make the excuse that it’s better to have a couple of drinks than to tolerate mild anxiety / irritation / depression or just that feeling that something is missing that usually starts around the time I have to start cooking dinner.

Not been posting as been very, very busy or suffering with a horrid head cold that won’t go away.

Been reading Rational Recovery, a book I started to read a few years ago which made a lot of sense back then but I never finished it before I started drinking again. This time I’ve nearly finished it and I’m getting a lot more from it. I have noticed several “Beast attacks” in the last couple of weeks, it has been using the fact that I feel low due to this cold to make me feel “I’m miserable anyway so may as well drink!” But so far I have managed to recognise this and tell myself “No, never again will I risk loosing my health, happiness, freedom, confidence, family and friends for the sake of a cup of poison” and I’ve got on with life.
I can recommend this book to anyone who has worked out that drinking alcohol is completely pointless but can’t understand WHY they still want to have a drink. It’s by Jack Trimpey.

It’s been tough at times but I have 3 weeks with no alcohol behind me again and I have a lot of tests to face yet before I can be completely confident I will never drink again but I’m getting there :-)

Friday night, Hubby comes home from business trip abroad and out of the blue says “I fancy a drink tonight, what have we got in?” (I have been reading rational recovery and to be honest I could almost feel the beast leap up, punch the air and yell YES!) I calmly said to Hubby actually I haven’t got anything in as I’m not drinking at the moment, meanwhile the Beast / I am thinking, “don’t waste this oppertunity, what a great excuse to drink, how many times have you wanted him to suggest having a drink first go on just have one or two, it’ll be fine, you haven’t got to go anywhere tomorrow” and on and on it went. In the end I had to tell myself I would have a drink after dinner if I still wanted one in order to think straight. It worked! I knew if I could get through to dinner I wouldn’t want one after :-)
Saturday was worse, if possible. Had to go to a show one of my friends was performing in, she has supported me in the past so didn’t feel I could opt out. Ended up on the end of a row next to someone I find very hard to tolerate. The evening started with him offering to go to the bar, the coversation went something like this “What do you want?”
“Diet Coke, please”
“And…...”
“Just a diet coke. thanks”
“Shall I get a Bacardi in it”
“No thanks”
“Have a lager then”
“All I want is a diet Coke thanks, I can get it myself if you have a problem with that?”
“No, no. I’ll get it. I don’t have a problem with it, I can take or leave it, unlike my wife who can’t go without”
He came back from the bar then to say “There’s no Coke so you’ll have to have lager” so I said “Don’t worry, I’ll get myself an orange juice” he insisted on getting it then as he handed it to me said “hopefully all the vodka is at the bottom so you won’t notice it until the end”!! Well I could have thrown it at him, luckily for him his wife who had gonre to the bar with him assured me no vodka had been added. Had to spend the rest of the evening with him making more and more inappropriate remarks breathing beer fumes at me! Yuk! Later in the evening he said “I shouldn’t really be drinking as I’m on medication” I couldn’t help pointing out that in itslf made it seem unlikely that he could take or leave it, he justified his drinking by saying “I’m just being sociable” I didn’t bother saying that I considered his behaviour totally UN sociable. Still, it was a great reminder as to why I don’t want to drink anymore, I use to think it was good to hang out with that kind of person!!
But it was very hard not to give in and have a few drinks just to make the evening more bearable!
After that Sunday was a breeze and so much more enjoyable with no hangover to suffer! Day 6 today and starting to feel stronger, must not get over confident and trip myself up again!

with myself over this goal! Managed to get through yesterday without a drink but managed more than a few day ones or twos or threes in the last few years. Why do I wake up determined not to drink every day and I am fine with this until about 6pm when I start to convince myself it’s O.K. to drink, this time will be different, I can control it, I just need to make more effort? Why am I so in denial? Why can’t I accept I’m an addict? Why do I try to act like everything is fine when it so isn’t?
I am so scared right now that I’ll still be here in months time writing simular post :-( What will it take to give me the determination to get through this? I feel very weak and tired right now. I can’t go to AA it just isn’t me and I live in a very small town with a very close community there would be nothing annonimous about it.
Reading others post who have had some success with this it looks like 6 – 7 months is the time it takes for this to get easier. I think it was Kaslo who said “just tie yourself to the mast” ....now if only I could find a good mast

Lasted 4 weeks then temptation whipped up when I least expected it and I gave into it straight away :-/ and so, because I’d already failed anyway I have been drinking as and when I fancy since then, which is of course most evenings and although haven’t done anything stupid or blacked out or anything, I know I am drinking way more than anyone needs to if it’s just to “be social”, I know if I keep playing with fire it’s just a matter of time before I get burnt.
So back on board again. Lessons learnt: Always expect and be ready to fight temptation! Never use “I’ve already slipped so I may as well fall completely”, as an excuse not to get back on track straight away! And finally and best of all, I really and honestly can’t say I’ve enjoyed drinking at all so need to always remember “I’m not missing anything worthwhile!”
I can and I weill beat this, have decided that I do not need or want to go to any event which will make this more difficult and I am prepared to tell peaple I have an alcohol problem if need be. I want to be free of the alcohol trap more than anything else right now.

and going strong!
Got to the point where the anxiety and black eye have almost totally gone, my skin, eyes and hair look more nourished, bright and fresh and I’m feeeling comfortable in my own skin!
But I’m sensing stormy weather ahead. I have some unavoidable events to attend and they are going to be very tough to get through without giving in to the urge to drink that I know will be there. I am really trying to visulise getting through these events with soft drinks and I plan to use Camtasia’s trick of taking a list with me of all my reasons not to drink, things to focus on instead and a list of rewards I can give myself if I make it through sober!
One of these events will be me going to support a family member who is up for an award and it will mean socialising with their friends so I need some interesting, good reason for not drinking, I don’t want to do the I’m an alcoholic / I’m on medication / I’m watching my weight, lines as I find people not only stop trying to get you to drink in these situations, they also stop talking to you!! And being left on my own will only fuel the desire to drink!
The other event is not for a couple more months but I need to prepare as it’s a whole weekend with a group of ladies who like to party! A small amount of work will get done throughout the weekend and we usually go sight seeing and shopping in between but there will be pub dinners and clubbing in the evenings. Maybe I could just come up with some excuse to skip the clubbing or just be pepared to dance Sober!!! EEEK! That’ll be a first! Oh Well! I guess this year could be full of new experiences in the same old situations!!