I haven’t written in three months. I just looked at my goals.
I think I have succeeded in becoming less emotional and stronger.
But forgot everything about enjoying being single…3 months ago I got back with my recent ex (after having split up for a month and after I had given him a deadline) but it turned out to have been a mistake;
I just wasted three months from trying to attain my goals and instead chose to delude myself, believed it was going to work out and invested time and energy in him. Well, he put a final stop on Tuesday and this time there is no going back.
I have to enjoy being single and re-direct the goodness I was giving him to myself as he clearly could not appreciate it and it meant nothing to him. Heartbroken again, yes, but more stoic about it.
Sometimes you need to go through phases of solitude and even pain and if you stop resisting, they may not even be as painful…
elastica has written 7 entries about this goal
Enjoying doing things on my own. But would still like to be with recent ex. I gave him a deadline to make up his mind so I feel stronger and it feels good to have articulated my wants and needs clearly. I consider this progress, no matter what the final outcome is…
Am having more fun time now, not so hung up on ex.
I spent a weekend on a dance workshop which was really fun.
I feel more energised and fancy doing more work.
I need to keep this up.
arghh This seems to be preoccupying my brain more than anything else on the list :-(
I have to ignore recent ex. He is giving me mixed signals, he is confused but I don’t deserve this. I want to be able to enjoy life and eventually be with someone who knows what they want and what they want should definitely include me!!
But it’s so hard seeing recent ex everyday and having feelings for him. I wish I could just get him out of my mind and heart by virtue of the fact that he isn’t treating me the way I deserve.
I’ve been trying to be less clingy and less dependent . So I’m on the right track.
Being less emotional would help. Maybe I should focus on that. The weird thing is, I am afraid that if I stop feeling, nothing will be worthwhile anymore. But I obviously feel too much.
Another one to work on: trust myself and not be afraid…
Hmm I’m finding it hard. Especially since I have to see my recent ex every day at work. But i really need to stop investing my energy in others and work on myself. I need to feel the pain now, go through it one last time so that I am finally able to break the cycle.
Oooups recent ex just texted me and I texted him back. Hmmmm…
Managed to avoid phoning my recent ex this evening.
And have stopped constantly thinking about the ex before him.
Making some progress.
I need to enjoy being single as my only option for personal growth. I am a bit out of practice. Last time I was single was seven years ago.
The weird thing, is I have been in a long distance relationship for most of the time but until recently there was a caring person to support me emotionally and I would do the same for them. But I get completely absorbed by relationships, I end up giving away too much, loosing myself.
I need to be completely independent for a while and devote my time to my work and hobbies. Only when I become the person I want to be will I manage to get rid of commitment-phoebia and sustain a wholesome loving relationship.
It’s tough, but I have to come to terms with it. Delaying facing the truth has already cost me too much.
