Learn to trust again, and trust wisely

I am opening up a little bit. It’s not the same trust I used to have for people but at least I’m not 100% distrustful.

I feel that this goal is still iffy. I’m still not out in mainstream public life as of yet, since I’m still working on my health a bit but I’m even more discouraged.

Without going too far into it because it would be petty (even though, gods know, I’m not above being petty ::chuckle:: ) I’m well on my way to losing faith in humanity in general. The past year has been a real eye-opener to me and what I saw has really soured me. Obviously, I’m not talking about the Internet, as that’s my one source of hope in humanity. But well… I’m beginning to think that nearly everyone I trust will eventually turn on me, so it’s better if I don’t put myself out.

I know it sounds cynical and I know I am reacting our of a deep sense of hurt… but in the past 3 years I’ve had three people who were very important to me betray my trust in major, harmful ways. One went so far as to stalk me through the internet and to try to get me fired from my former place of employment. I’ve not had a very good track record. Then, when I think about it- I’ve never had a very good track record. Which makes me think that it is me and so I’m hating myself. It can’t all be me. But it’s the only solution I can come up with at this time.

So. Letting people in close enough to trust with my innermost thoughts, secrets, dreams, hopes, and fears has taken a major backslide. I’m sure I’ll do it again but I’m equally as sure it will come around to biting me in the behind when I do.

::sigh::

I don’t know if I am going to succeed in this. I can trust my husband and my parents and various of my blood relatives but that’s about it.

I know there’s a trust wisely clause in this and I dunno if it’s a sad thing that I can’t find anyone else it would be wise to trust or whether I mistrust my own wisdom.

The craptacular thing about this is that it isn’t wise to trust most other people I know- in-laws, former co-workers, former friends. :blah:

Trusting people is a bit difficult when you’ve become a hermit. I’m not saying that it is bad that I have become reclusive, some of it is from the illness, so I have to accept it. What I’m saying is- how can you learn how to trust people face to face if you don’t go out and meet them any more?

That having been said- I’m not making too much headway on this goal because I think the internet should be treated with a healthy amount of caution because it’s easier for untrustworthy people to pretend that they are forthright while on-line.

And as for trusting people IRL when the time comes, I’ll probably go back to thinking everyone is trustworthy and forthright and I’ll get burned again.

I know: Not very optimistic but one has to be realistic when she contemplates these goals.

I’ve been told that I believe in the goodness of humanity far more than I should. Perhaps I do. Perhaps I believe that deep down, people want to be good and do good, just as I do. This is probably why I trust so readily and set myself up for opertunistic people to take advantage of me when it comes to friendships or even just co-worker relationships.

We all want things out of life and ask things of the people in our lives… some people just aren’t up front with what they want. In the past I wanted friendship, for example, and a person I befriended wanted someone who could make excuses for them at work, and befriended me with this in mind. They lied at work and lied to me so they could keep their job but monkey around and I would up lieing for them without knowing it until they revealed it to me. Their lie was believed because I backed them up, believing that they had told me the truth. I had trusted this person to be up front with me.

So now I think that everyone has an ulterior motive in befriending me and so I don’t trust like I used to. I barely trust at all. :(