Stop comparing myself to other people

I’ve gotten a bit better about this, insofar as I don’t do it as much. Most of the time I remember that the only person I have to be better than or even the same as, is myself. Someone’s skills in a subject do not negate my skills in that or other subjects.

However, there are still some people who just make me wish I were better, smarter, more skilled, whatever just by their existance. That’s definitely my problem and I really need to stop thinking that their existence is a challenge to mine, like they are throwing down the gauntlet just by living and carrying on their business.

Thanks to many things that have happened with my illness, I now find myself wondering if I am having some sort of spaz reaction to things that happen to me that I find galling or hard to take, comparing myself against other people from that standpoint. Like I’m the only person in the world that has that reaction, so I compare myself to everyone else as if they would have a better reaction than I would.

I find myself thinking- So, do I have a problem or would someone else have a problem too? Is there something inherently wrong with me because I have this problem? Am I a bad person because I have a problem? Am I just a bad person who has a lot of problems? Then I think: Well, I must be a bad person because I’ve been told that I shouldn’t have a problem. I guess I’m a bad person. Look at her- I’ll bet she isn’t as bad a person as I am… I bet she wouldn’t have a problem at all. etc.

:::grrrrrr:::

Grrr.

Why do I always do this? It is utterly frustrating but it’s almost like a reflex. And I usually compare myself to other women. I’m intimidated by them. Guys- crap, I feel it’s a level playing field. Dunno why that is.

But women. Damn. I can’t stop. Is she thinner than I am? Prettier? Smarter? Did she get a better education?

Why? Why do I do this? I always see myself as coming up short. Why do I think I have to be as good as someone else? Why do I have to remind myself that everyone has their flaws instead of just seeing them as other human beings?

It is counterproductive and yet I still do it. :sigh: