earn my collar back

he brought it up again this weekend, just how far i have to go sometimes. it’s frustrating, knowing he could just give in and all, he maybe even wants to, but that it would then mean nothing. shrugs

Another visit this weekend, another step towards this goal. Truth be told, i’m not sure what made him think that i did well, but he says i did. He said it would be a while, i was still a ways off, but making progress. He left the symbol in a visible spot again. As i was straightening out his dresser top, as he asked me to, i was dusting and couldn’t actually pick it up (so there is a dusty circle at the moment). Not because of anything he said, just because it didn’t feel like a good idea. It wasn’t mine, i shouldn’t touch it.

Last week i was asked to create two lists. The first was why he should collar me, the second why not. Honestly? It was probably one of the hardest assignments he’s given me yet. I did send it off, and i’ve got quite a lot to muse over. Still, its all a question of time and effort.

This weekend seems to be a turning point. I’ve conciously made the effort to believe in him, and he’s already made his decisions about what he wants. Friday and Saturday it was easy, but today was more challenging, Sundays tend to be. I was getting frustrated because of his school stuff and feeling in the way. At just the time i needed it, I walked by the charm that will be my collar, he left it out. It reminded me of my goal, of the promises I’ve made to him and why sometimes I just need to work through things. I did and we talked, and because I was upfront and honest we figured out a way to make me not feel hurt when he’s otherwise busy. Things are good. Its gonna be a long journey, but at least I’m back on the right road.

he bought the charm that will be my new collar. Yesterday we discussed chain length. I take these as good signs that it won’t be forever, and that he does want me to be his again.