record my dreams here

I dreamed that I went to the doctor for a regular check-up, and after an unprecedented three hour wait, she finally spent ten minutes with me and then informed me that I was six weeks pregnant! Yikes!

And I kept thinking, “a baby! that will totally mess up our vacation plans.”

4. A friend called to invite me to her Super Bowl party. I thought the Super Bowl had already happened, but I guessed I was mistaken. So I asked what I could bring, and she told me to bring “Houston.” I asked what she meant and she just kept telling me “Houston!” in this irritated voice, and then she had to go. I wondered what she meant, and thought maybe Houston was playing in the Super Bowl, and perhaps I was supposed to bring some food with a Houston theme? Or Houston colors? I decided to take nachos with toppings, and was going to figure out later how to make it “Houston.”

1. I was eating at Cousin’s Subs, and had my laptop with me. I overheard the conversations of the people working there. I was intrigued because they were talking about upcoming month-long trips to Jamaica and their attendance of major social events. I used the info to research them online. I discovered that two of them (all were in their late twenties) were family members of the Republican elite. The third one was as well, but he had just been financially cut off. He complained, “Dad didn’t even pay my mortgage this month!”

Not sure why the three of them were working at a sub shop. Perhaps this was actually a bad sit-com pilot.

2. I dreamed that I was late for a forensics meet. (Once again, I was in middle school in my dream. I have to stop writing young adult fiction.) I couldn’t find anything to wear, and ended up somehow in a dress with jeans underneath and rainbow-colored pants and rainbow-colored shoes. I couldn’t find a shirt at all. Then I was trying to find my hotel room where I had to go before the meet, and I couldn’t remember the number or find my parents, and I didn’t have my cell phone, and I found myself unable to climb a huge hill that I had to climb in order to get to the hotel room . . . . And I needed to use the bathroom but the only one I could find was a huge communal bathroom where everyone was sitting on toilets in a huge room and discussing wiping techniques.

I don’t think I was going to bring home any trophies from that one.

3. I dreamed that I was worried about getting arrested because I had previously hired someone named DJ Jazzy Jeff (he was in fact a DJ, but he came highly recommended as a hit man) to kill someone. He had ended up killing my person plus an extra one, who was the sister of my hit. I thought I’d covered my tracks pretty well, but was still a little concerned that I might be connected with the murders.

Why was I hiring a hit man? The rationale is a little hazy, but somehow it seemed to be an attempt to keep P from travelling again too soon. In the dream, it was really important to me that we spend Groundhog Day together. Shrug.

I dreamed that guests were arriving too early for A’s birthday party. The party wasn’t set to start for awhile and A was still in gymnastics class. Then I realized I hadn’t gotten any party favors/treats for the guests.

Time to plan A’s party, I guess.

I dreamed that I hadn’t shaved my legs in awhile and my leg hair was about 1.5 inches long, and curly. I was amazed and horrified. I woke up and made sure I shaved my legs that day.

I dreamed that the big diamond fell out of my engagement ring. I’ve been checking it compulsively since then.

I dreamed that my friend Todd told me that I was going to give myself cancer by coloring my hair. I was thinking, ‘hm, I would think that the gallons of Diet Coke I drink would be a more likely problem.”

I dreamed that Audrey found a plastic bag where I’d bagged some dog poop, and not realizing there was dog poop in there, she put a bunch of stuff in the bag. The items totally ruined by poop included a pair of her socks, a skein of my yarn, an American Girl doll bed, and an American Girl doll dining table.

I really want to share, but I guess it’s not too icky. I dreamed that I was dating Jason Bateman. At least, he looked, talked and acted like Jason Bateman, but he wasn’t an actor or anything. I don’t know what his name was. I wasn’t married and didn’t have Ramona, but I still had Meredith and Audrey.

Then I told my ex that I was ‘just miserable living without’ him. We talked and decided to get back together, and then I thought, “Oh. I was miserable married to him. I need to hurry and break up with him so I can go back to Jason Bateman.” So I told him ‘you know, we were miserable married to each other. Never mind.’

And Jason Bateman was already dating someone else, but I was going to try to hurry and win him back. I was optimistic about being able to do so.

I can’t remember the whole dream, but I dreamed that I ordered a drink at a coffee place (the drink was called a sprite, but it was a warm drink like chai—I think in my dream I was thinking of sprites like fairies, and forgot that there’s already a drink called Sprite).

Anyway, when I ordered the drink, the guy kind of sighed and said, ‘that’s just the normal one, right? not the one I have to measure while I’m cooking it?’ Somehow I knew the answer and assured him that I wanted the “normal one.” He said “Okay, but would you walk this dog while I’m making it? You can just take him around the block.”

I agreed, somehow thinking it seemed like a fair thing to ask. The dog was a rescue dog and had no idea how to behave on a leash. I had nothing with which to pick up poop, and wondered what I’d do if he pooped. I went to pet him and noticed that he had a bunch of sores on his head, and the coffee/sprite guy had laid a piece of toilet paper on his head as a bandage.

moved into a new place. It was an apartment with a disco upstairs. the disco wasn’t ours, but we got a good deal on the apartment because the disco was there. There was a door shared in common by us and the disco, and in order to get to the disco people had to walk through part of our apartment and then up the stairs. We were required to lock up the whole building whenever we left if the disco was open, but if the disco was closed, we had to leave our apartment unlocked. Not an ideal rental situation, but dream me thought it was a smokin’ deal.

Anyway, we also had tried to visit this disco to dance when I was pregnant with Ramona, and it had been closed at the time because if they were open for half an hour or so and nobody showed up, they closed. We were told that people came to the disco only about once every two months. I guess under those circumstances it seemed like less of an imposition to live beneath a disco. The guy who ran the music and lights did tell me my floor was going to get really dirty when people went in and out of the disco.

So we also had a balcony where we could look down on the disco (don’t ask me what Escheresque world this was where we were looking down on our upstairs disco). We were looking at the disco ball and such, and suddenly I realized Ramona had crawled out across the ceiling to get to the disco ball. I was yelling for her to come back, but she just turned and grinned at me (the most realistic part of the dream), and then she FELL! I was horrified, but she somehow caught herself on some pegs sticking out from the wall. (I think one of the walls was a climbing wall of some sort.) I was relieved, but then she fell again and didn’t catch herself. I watched as she fell, but somehow it was so windy in the disco that she simply drifted down like a leaf and landed softly on the dance floor.

with nightnimbus. We were in my parents’ bed, and I was in high school. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t be home until much later. There was a condom involved which was huge and crackly, kind of like a cellophane breadbag. I was concerned about how well it might work.

Then I heard a key in the door and the door opened. I wrapped something around myself and went to look, and there was a whole stream of people coming into the house. Oh, I’d forgotten that my parents had hired a cleaning service and they were coming that day! And there was a crew of men who’d been refinishing the wood floors and wanted to know what my parents had decided about having some tables refinished as well. I didn’t know, but they were sitting in our living room, on the clock, waiting for an answer. And there were some people who just seemed to be looking around too.

We ended up having to give up and get dressed so we could deal with all of those people. But I was relieved that it wasn’t my parents at least.