Love myself by eliminating any negative thoughts that arise and replacing with a positive

I’m reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne for a second time. I enjoyed it so much the first time round and it’s been a while since I first read it. I feel that negativity has so much to answer for in the world. If I make the effort to feel love for people and things in my life, everything has a magical feel to it and nothing bad can come out of it. I feel like I can take on the world and no one can get in my way. Sometimes its difficult to drag that happiness out from within because it’s so well hidden but it’s worth making the effort for.

is becoming more obtainable due to the absence of alcohol in my life. It is almost 9 weeks since I last drank alcohol and I feel like I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t need it anymore. When I’ve quit drinking before, I would always find myself talking myself back to it. I would quietly reason with myself that I don’t drink that much and it won’t hurt to get a bottle of wine. The thing I’ve come to realise is that it does hurt. It hurts my confidence, my health, my weight and my happiness levels. It has deep effects on my depressive levels and with two children, I really can’t t allow myself to get in that saddened state. I feel proud of myself that can finally do this.

Happiness by a Buddhist monk called Matthieu Ricard. So far he’s been talking about the fact that the majority of people revel in short term happiness which has risen out of superficial events,such as eating good food, winning some money or getting good exam results. He states these things do give out a heightened sense of pleasure, however it is a short lived feeling. Therefore, happiness snd pleasure are different things. Apparently we can train our brains to experience a permanent feeling of euphoria. I shall report back once i have read further.

Drank the alcohol poison for 3 weeks and am so much more positive about thing. My friend suggested we should get some wine and I had to remind her that I wasn’t drinking and why. I don’t think she really understands but she accepted it, which I appreciate. My other friend told me a quote from a book she hads been,reading. It basically asks why we continue to do the things that have such a negative impact on our lives and I related that to drinking. It does no good for me and only bad things arise from it.

Last night was Take That at Wembly. They were AMAZING, of course. I’ve fallen in love with them all over again!! I went with my sister and her friend and to be honest, I weren’t feeling the company. They spent most of the time on their phones, updating FB status’s, exclaiming ‘OMG’ at every bloody little thing and just making me feel really uncomfortable. It put a downer on thhe night and I felt like a complete outsider, but it has made me realise how different me and my sister are. She may be having fun, since she split with her lt bfriend, but it’s not the life for me. She has hangovers for a few days a week and I couldn’t go back to those days. It made me remember how lucky I am to have my wonderful little family.

For the last few years I have tried one thing after the other. It could be crystals, buddhism, vegetarianism, wearing only dark clothes, dying my hair all sorts, meditation, watching only comedy films, no alcohol, growing my nails, being loud, being quiet, sunday walks, teachong myself to swim, chakras….i could go on and on, but it would get tedious. My point is that i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m not able to just BE. I am always searching for another way to make myself different. I’m all for bettering myself but when I fail at these challenges that I constantly set myself then my confidence falls and I feel useless.
I have recently deleted goals of vegetarianism and veganism because I am not going to succeed and I don’t want to feel like a failure again. I feel like I need to take myself as I am and just basically accept myself. Once i’ve done this and learnt to like myself as I am,then maybe I could try these things.

I feel like I need to disappear somewhere to find myself. I get so mixed up and confused in my own thoughts about the kind of person I am and I often get scared that I am turning into someone i’m not meant to be. I get so totally immersed in all these obsessions that keep cropping up eg Buddhism, Wicca, Moving away, Getting a job, Going to college, Going to uni. I’m so wrapped up in these thoughts that I don’t actually focus on the here and now, and I worry that one day i’ll look back to this time and wish that I had been more grateful for my present blessings. I know my life is rich, beyond words. When I sit back and think about my children, family, friends,
then it’s easy to see that I am very lucky. But why do I find it so
easy to drown myself in other things. Things that take me away from
the only thing I need…..the present moment??

No alcohol pass my lips for 15 days now, which maybe isn’t a long time in sober land, but I feel so much better and stronger in myself. I can do this, I have the confidence in myself as I sit here, but I secretly worry about situations that are going to arise. For example…..in,a few weeks I am going to london with my sister and her friend to watch Take That in concert. I am VERY excited, as I am, obviously Take That’s no. 1 fan (i was in their fanclub and everything), but i’m a little worried about the pressure that may be on me to drink. My sister and her friend both drink quite a lot on binges, so how difficult am I going to find it to refrain? I know I have to try and be true to myself and remember how badly alcohol affects me, and not just for the next day….i am absolutly awful to be around for3 or 4 days afterwards, and it’s not fair on my children or my partner. I need to start looking after myself and stop thinking on spur of the moment.
I may have a word with my sister and let her know how i’m feeling.

I can only fulfill this goal if I stop drinking. I don’t drink much, maybe twice a week at the very most, but that’s obviously too much for me and my fragile mind!!!! In the days after I drink alcohol, I feel absolutely awful. I’ve found that alcohol links in with a few of my goals on here. My downfall is when other people are drinking or when I get invited round somewhere, and it all just goes out the windoe. I need to do thos…for my family and for me and my own peace of mind.

I applied for an office job a couple of months ago and got it. I started there and everything was fine til the manager told me I was making lots of mistakes. When he went through them, it didn’t seem a lot, considering i’d only been there for a few weeks and I was litetally learning about the products, pc systems etc. I tried so hard but he still wasn’t happy and got rid of me. It’s given my confidence a bit of a bashing and i’m questioning my ability now.