Balance

Christmas holiday began a week ago and I can say that I’m very satisfied with how my autumn semester at university went, especially from this goal’s aspect. I managed to get all of my assignments done on time, I didn’t feel stressed that much and I also got great results. I feel really good about all of this! :) It means that my balancing act has been very successful lately. I’ve managed to combine my studies into a pleasant rhytm of living and I still have time to do lots of fun things as well. I’ve been more motivated at the university, too.

One thing that I’m really looking forward to is moving in with my sweetheart Juho. I believe that this change of living conditions will benefit me greatly, in several ways. I have a feeling that I’ll flourish as a “common-law wife” and it’ll help me balance things even more. :)

And all the king’s men,
Can put Humpty together again

I feel that I’ve been well balanced again, the different areas of my life get their share of attention and I’m rather satisfied. The real crunch time will come now, though – next week will be the final week of this first period at university, so I’ll have a lot of deadlines and some exams, too. I’m starting to feel a little bit stressed, but at the same time I do know that I’ll manage. Just have to get things done, focus and pay close attention.
I’ve also been thinking that it really isn’t a bad thing to have bad days/moments here and there. I haven’t had them a lot lately, but when I do, they do feel odd in comparison to the happy moments. But that’s alright, because they make me appreciate the happy things even more. They’re part of the equilibrium, too. Let’s take this current moment as an example – right now I’m feeling strangely frustrated, by a lot of things. One thing that is frustrating me is the Internet, believe it or not. Can’t quite explain it, but I’m just greatly annoyed at this very moment with a lot of things that are connected to the web.
But the beauty that lays behind frustration is improvement. Frustration makes you change things, push things forward, grab yourself by the neck. So even when I’m feeling annoyed, I know that it’s a good thing in the long run. Just gotta get through it. I think I need to clear some of these things that are frustrating me, they’re piling up a bit now.

I do wonder about the question of when will I feel that the time is right to mark this goal achieved. Balance is an ongoing state, after all. I guess I need to reach a certain point, to say that I’m truly satisfied with everything for the time being. I’ll just wait for that, then.

I’ve enjoyed listening to heavier music again. I haven’t been listening to Tool etc. for ages, for the most of the summer actually, but now I feel like listening to hard music and only hard music. It’s giving me some sort of balance, I guess. Like it’s backing me up in some way.

I’ve been feeling odd for the past week. I’d really like to get to the bottom of this – what is actually causing these problems I’m experiencing now? Is there something else to this than the thing that’s on the top of my mind? What are all the particles that are contributing to this odd, uncomfortable, uneasy feeling of mine?
It’s annoying to feel problematic all of a sudden, when I’ve been feeling so so good lately. I’m not saying the good is gone, no not at all. These problems are just rising to the surface, blurring the view from the happy momentarily. And it’s incredibly annoying, I’d just love to get rid of these problems instantly.
But I guess none of us can be just happy poppy all the time, we have to go through these annoying, confusing bits too. And I do know that I’ll figure this out soon enough, I’m just irritated and impatient. And confused, did I already mention confused. There’s plenty of that. But this isn’t really anything serious, just unexpected and puzzling.

On the other hand; in addition to the music, I’ve felt a cosy link to the past this evening after returning home. I haven’t really spent that much time here, in the way that I would just concentrate on myself and take some time for myself. It felt really nice to come back home, light a few lamps to shed light in this little, darkening flat. Listening to music, updating my calendar, sorting school stuff, making myself see what’s really going on at the moment. I like moments like these, I should try to have them more often. I think it has something to do with the autumn too, I often feel like this during darkening autumn evenings. Kind of a nice, nostalgic feeling. And it’s also somehow linked to heavier music.

I might have to focus on myself a little bit more again, look inside more often. I’m not sure, that’s just what I feel like right now. I might feel differently in the morning, maybe I’ll get some sort of an epiphany during the night. We’ll see.
But yeah, just felt like writing some stuff out of my head. Good night, dear minions.

I believe that I’ve been doing very well with this. I’ve felt balanced, the different areas in my life have been quite nicely balanced as well (through the summer holiday perspective) and I feel really really good about my life.
But the real challenge will come next week, when the new semester of university begins and I’ll have to get back to my study routines. I’ll be put to the test on many aspects, but I’m facing all these things with my head held up high. I have confidence in myself and I’m willing to work hard on getting things right.

I haven’t really been doing anything concrete about this goal, haven’t made any new daily schedules etc, but I have noticed that my perspective and attitude towards this balancing act has improved a whole lot. I don’t feel like it’s a burden anymore, it’s more like an exciting challenge. I think that has been a very important, big step for me. It has already helped a great deal. I am now confident that I’ll get this to work well, and that it won’t be unbearably hard after all. I’ve already started my work here.
I’m also feeling more and more balanced each passing day, but there is of course still a lot of work to be done. That doesn’t scare me, though.

In the beginning I was quite worried about this balancing act, but now I’m feeling much more at ease with the whole thing. I feel good about balancing my life, I’m confident about making things work. And not just work, but to work well. People’s lifes are filled with balancing and it’s an ongoing process, but I think I can achieve a good balance at some point and stick to it.
I’m on the right path.

turned out to be an excellent thing for me – a lot of things have already fallen into place, my mind is clearer and I’m feeling good. :) On the train ride here, last night, I kept brainstorming and all these lovely ideas filled my mind. I’ll make this balance thing work, I’m feeling optimistic and excited about it now!

<sup>n.
1. A weighing device, especially one consisting of a rigid beam horizontally suspended by a low-friction support at its center, with identical weighing pans hung at either end, one of which holds an unknown weight while the effective weight in the other is increased by known amounts until the beam is level and motionless.
2. A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces.
3. The power or means to decide.
4.
a. A state of bodily equilibrium: thrown off balance by a gust of wind.
b. The ability to maintain bodily equilibrium: Gymnasts must have good balance.
5. A stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability.
6. A harmonious or satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements, as in a design. See Synonyms at proportion.
7. An influence or force tending to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
8. The difference in magnitude between opposing forces or influences.
9. Accounting
a. Equality of totals in the debit and credit sides of an account.
b. The difference between such totals, either on the credit or the debit side.
10. Something that is left over; a remainder.
11. Chemistry Equality of mass and net electric charge of reacting species on each side of an equation.
12. Mathematics Equality with respect to the net number of reduced symbolic quantities on each side of an equation.
13. A balance wheel.
v. bal·anced, bal·anc·ing, bal·anc·es
v.tr.
1. To determine the weight of (something) in or as if in a weighing device.
2. To compare by or as if by turning over in the mind: balanced the pros and cons before making a choice.
3. To bring into or maintain in a state of equilibrium.
4. To act as an equalizing weight or force to; counterbalance.
5. Accounting
a. To compute the difference between the debits and credits of (an account).
b. To reconcile or equalize the sums of the debits and credits of (an account).
c. To settle (an account, for example) by paying what is owed.
6. To bring into or keep in equal or satisfying proportion or harmony.
7. Mathematics To bring (an equation) into balance.
8. Chemistry To bring (an equation) into balance.
9. To move toward and then away from (a dance partner).
v.intr.
1. To be in or come into equilibrium.
2. To be equal or equivalent.
3. To sway or waver as if losing or regaining equilibrium.
4. To move toward and then away from a dance partner.</sup>

I believe that this is going to be really difficult for me, I don’t think I’ve ever really quite reached balance in my life so far. But I need to learn to do this finally. I’ll have to try, and I want to try. It’s very important.