Have a totally different life by this time next year

I am working harder on losing weight, going to the gym every other day, and I am starting to be more aware of what goes in my body…even though it’s sort of a tough truth to realize EVERYTHING has to change but it’s still a truth. It’s getting better, and I’m already notciing a difference and I am certain the weight will start to go down soon.
Talked to my OBGYN about starting a family, starting on prenatal vitamins and we’re looking at selling our condo so we’ll be in a permanent home eventually…sooner rather than later.
I have nicer pants and nicer clothes, and I’m working on this, but being that I AM losing weight, I don’t intend on buying a ton of clothes right now, because I won’t be in them forever.
I am still working on the not letting others bother me thing. I have started to come to terms more with the fact that I won’t see eye to eye with everyone. I can feel good about it usually though, as long as I was the best person I could be. I will continue to try to live like this… it feels good.
I actually have made a few new friends, and they’re great. Lovely people really, and I look forward to seeing them…and my husband likes them. It’s been nice and drama free lately.
I just got offered a new position at work, and so I’ll be moving over to a different job with different people. I’m really looking forward to it. It will be a LOT more work than what I’m currently doing, but I think that will be good. I can honestly say, I think it will be a great fit for me, and I look forward to when I can go over there.
I am working on being a better person still, but I think I am getting better every day. It’s sometimes hard to take a breath and realize that I’m getting dragged down by someone who is just unhappy and miserable. I am getting better at it though. I can usually find a reason to smile.

Well, I think that this is a different life than I had at this time last year. But I don’t know if it’s for the better. SO I’ll keep this goal up here again this year.

Next December 16th,
I’d like to be fit and thin. Happy with my body the weight it’s at, and the shape it’s in. Comfortable in clothes and able to wear the things I like to wear.
I’d like to be thinking about if not on our way to a family. Because I can’t wait forever for that, even if I would put it off a few more years if I could because I still want to have so much fun!
I’d like to be happy in my marriage. Obviously I won’t be happy at all times, but happier than sad. I’d like to make the changes I need to believe in my husband and have him believe in me the way that I need. I would like to make changes to be a more supportive wife. It’s not easy because I’m selfish… so I’m working on changing that. It’s a slow and go process, but I’m working at it.
I’d like to have a better wardrobe. Every year I want better clothes. Because I know how I want to look, and I’d love to look that way. I think a main part of this goal is losing weight. Because I think I’ll look better in the things I want to wear at the weight I want to be.
I want to be HEALTHY. I want to feel good. I obviously don’t mean never get a cold, but I want my heart not to hurt from stress and I want my body to feel good after running up stairs. I want to be in better shape physically and to start to sort out the things that are holding me down, like my allergies which I know I have because after nearly every meal my face turns bright red… I hope that doesn’t mean a gluten allergy because I am not really as ready to go gluten free as I’d hoped.
I want to get over the things that bother me about others. This includes my cousin whom I just no longer respect as a person. The problem is, now whenever I see her…everything she does bothers me. This is because even though I don’t respect her I care about her and so when she’s being stupid, I want to fix her. I can’t, and I need to let it go. I will be happier having let it go. I just need to learn how.
I want to make friends with more people who lift me up. I can’t believe that the friends I’ve made in the past few years are more like family to me than any of the friends I had before. I’ve gotten rid of so many people, and I always felt bad about it at first, because I felt I was not being fair to them. Not giving them the chance they deserved, but now that I have friends that are so wonderful, I can’t imagine why I kept people around who didn’t make me feel this way. I want more of that. And I want to continue to rid my life of the people who weigh it down. I find, my new friends are more like family to me than my family at times, and I can trust them more than I’ve trusted my friends in the past, and I just know this is how it’s supposed to be. So, now I have a bench mark, and I hope I can find more people to be around that get me and don’t expect me to be something I’m not or fit into some mold.
I hope to find something more meaningful to do, perhaps where I’m at now, or maybe somewhere else. But something I can be proud of. Something that allows me to grow professionally and use all the skills I know I have. Something I can smile about doing. Something I like to go to work and do every single day. (okay, if people enjoyed work EVERY single day, we wouldn’t get paid to do it…but still… at least most days).
I want to rise above things. Because I want to be that good person I know I am deep inside. I want to be the good person that people know is so good there’s just no possible way she did something bad, it’s just not believable. I want to be kinder to those around me, I want to be kinder to myself, and I want to do the right thing…every time.

I’ve lost a few more pounds, (at least an inch this month in my waist and hips!) and it’s a work in progress. I know I can do it, just have to keep working towards that goal.
I’ve been cleaning my mothers house weekly and brinigng home $20 in cash that I’ve been able to hide away. :). It’s not much yet because I just started but it will add up quickly enough :):).
Still showing up with wet hair. I hate drying my hair. I DO put my outfits out the night before so that’s a start. I got up 20 minutes earlier the other day and I LOVED IT. I can’t believe how much I get done in 20 minutes!
I’ve not been better as a wife. I can honestly say I feel bad for my husband lately. LOL. I’ve been feeling rather sorry for myself for all of my medical problems lately and just unattractive and gross and this isn’t his fault, but he gets the brunt of the problems because I’m not wanting to show affection or be close… It really is something I have to work on. Consciously. I’ve been focused on myself and I need to find a way to focus on me AND him. I know he isn’t leaving but I don’t want to give him any reasons to want to. That’s not fair to him.

So, I’ve lost a few pounds (not many, but it’s better than NOTHING) and I’m going to keep going on that.
I have not done so well with the being a better wife goal I have, but I think I HAVE been kinder. I’ve just been trying to make everything fun. Not that we never fight, but just that I am not always running over him with my way. I still don’t do anything when I get home. I don’t work out, I don’t clean… I am just exhausted when I get home from work. I have to find energy somewhere this exhaustion thing isn’t just bad for my husband, it’s boring for me too!
I’ve been putting away money every time I take out cash (which is really not very often.) I currently have $25 towards my new clothes, no it’s not much but it is $25 more than I had. I’ll just keep it up and hopefully add more money to that pile. Admittedly, I really didn’t add ANY money until this month, so that is partially why my money pile for clothes is much less.
I still show up to work with wet hair. I’m working on it, but I just haven’t found any motivation to wake up earlier. I know it’ll never change unless I change it myself…I just haven’t gotten over that waking up hump. It’s in my mind. Hopefully I’ll find the motivation I’m so looking for somewhere.

Dec. 12, 2011 came and passed and I definitely have a completely different life. I think I’d like to keep this goal and just update my date to Dec. 12, 2012. Because I’d like to be even happier this year. I really had turned my life around, I went from being unemployed to being employed at a job I hated to being employed at a place I genuinely don’t hate :), I’d say like but I’d love to get paid to stay home… that’s not an option for me and I’m glad I have a place I don’t mind going to Mon.-Fri. That was a big change for me too. Working Monday-Friday. But there are things I’d like to change in my life.
Mostly things about myself.
I’d like to lose weight. I’d really have no goal I want more right now. There are things I want but this is on my mind every day when I wake up and every day when I go to sleep.
I’d like to get my financial house in order. Complete order.
I’d like to invest some money in the next year. Not a lot. But a bit of money, I’d like to invest it…by myself. Without my husband.
I’d like to have more clothes I love and less I look at and think, I guess I’ll have to wear that, because I don’t have anything better. I really need help with my style because I can’t dress for my new bigger body and I don’t know how. Of course, this would probably be solved if I lost a lot of weight like I want, but I have to be realistic as well.
I’d like to be a better wife. More thoughtful, more patient, and just better. I need to do more around the house, and find some motivation somewhere when I get home from work to not just fall onto the couch but to be helpful and get things like laundry or dishes done.
I’d like to be a little bit more prepared for the day. You know, not show up to work with wet hair etc. I’d like to wear my contacts every day. And maybe even get up early enough to work out. Which means I have to find motivation…again…somewhere.
I honestly love where I am compared to where I was before, but I’d like to be even better off. Continue with this honesty is always the best policy, make some new friends, and be happer in December than I was this December.

New job stifled school one more semester. It’s hard to go back. :(. But I’m going next semester and I’m happy about that. I am willing to put of dreams for a while if it is good for me in the long run, and this new job IS good for me in the long run. It’s a “grown up” job, that is Monday through Friday and pays better than my last job, by at least a little bit. And I’m happy with that, but it started right at the same time as Fall semester, so I have to wait because I wanted to get settled, and not have too much in the air at one time. I like change, and I want to foster change in me, but I want the change to be good and long term, and this is a job that will eventually turn into other things, and I’m willing to make a sacrafice for a moment for a good life that I’m happy with. I had plans that didn’t work out, but I’m not willing to let that get me down.
Although, I have been a bit down lately. It’s just a little funk though. I hope. Just a little restless and I’ve been feeling as though there’s a little more I could do to help that. And I’ll be trying. To get things moving in a new direction. A better direction.
I’ve been trying to eat better, but I’ve not always been doing that so perfectly. As far as exercise goes… that’s been not working so well, but I get a little more movement in at work now than previously and I’ve been trying to use that to my advantage. But I could use a little more exercise, if only I could find some time for it.
I’ve made a ton of new friends this year and I think that’s really helped my outlook on my life. Friends make life more fun, more worth it. Every weekend I look forward to seeing my friends at the dock, and I can’t wait for next summer when we will have a boat we can stay on over the weekend, every weekend will be like vacation, even more than it currently is. So, I have things to look forward to, and I just need to work on making those things more plentiful, and work towards making myself the person I beleive I can be.

Lets see, a little over half way there.
I got an even better job that I can stay at for a very long time, they promote from within and they have plans for jobs that I wil lbe able to do once i finish school! Also, it has weekends off, my first big girl job. I start Monday, and I’m excited.
I talked to my mom and she’s going to help me with a loan for books and classes this semester so I can afford to go to school and have a life. :). I don’t know if I’ll have time for both of those things, but I’ll have the money for it. I’m signing up when she gets home from vacation. Or making her read her cc # to me so I can sign up tomorrow. It depends on my mood.
My house hasn’t been clean lately, because I’ve been working 6 days a week and playing on the boat on the 7th, speaking of, I have today off and this is my last day available off in a long long time we have big plans for boat every weekend from now until october :). I better clean today. But the house hasn’t been a disaster at all times, and we’ve been both pitching in to keep it livable. It’s been okay, just not something we want to have people over in. but it’s going to get really clean today, and then we can slowly mess it up again and clean it some day when it rains :).
I haven’t been doing so well about eating better or working out. I just, don’t feel like taking the time to do it. I have been doing a few minutes of sit ups a day until I got sick a week ago. I’ll be back to at least that whenever I feel better. Exercising when you’re sick is actually not good for you, so I’m holding off on all of it and just focusing on getting rid of my cold right now.
We have more money right now in our bank acct. and we’ve starting a savings acct. to save for a house in a few years. Our condo is okay, but we’ve got a little too much stuff for it, and we’d like to live in a different neighborhood.
I’d say, I feel a lot better than I did last year at this time. I feel like I’m getting on track to be someone I wouldn’t mind being, no, someone I like being. :).

So, an update. I have a job, I’m going to school in June provided I get to a councelor to sign up again. Things are looking better than they were. As far as my goals…
*My clothes are getting much better, slowly but surely I’m getting things I love. For easter my mother in law got me the most adorable cover up!! and I just bought a bathing suit I like, and I’m going to buy one more I can wear around parents. :). I have some work clothes that I like, and I’m building up a full set of clothes I wear regularly because I enjoy them. I’m anxiously awaiting the new line at Target to build up some more!!
*I got a closetmaid shelf for my closet for jeans and sweaters…and phew, it really did make a difference. I’m very happy I got that. I now have a dresser that can hold something other than jeans and sweaters!
*The house has been better. It does get a mess sometimes, things get piled up, but it’s never enough that it couldn’t be taken care of within an hour.
*dinner at the table has been a tough one. He likes to watch tv and i now work until 6 which means we have to spend that time watching tv and time together afterwards. I’ll see what i can do about this, because if we spent an hour together daily without that business, I think it would help.
*As far as keeping up with friends goes, not doing so well on this. But i’ve been making sure to call them once a week, just to talk, and it’s a start. Haven’t gotten rid of any friends, even if they do drain me a little, because I’m just not there right now. I need more friends not less, and right now I feel beggars can’t be choosers. But one day I’ll sort this out.
*Bed time before midnight—check. :).
I’m feeling better already, and we’ll see.
another goal:
*be healthier. Eat a little better, and do a little more working out, or something like working out.

So more than a quarter of the way there, and I’m doing well.

Wow. It’s been a good two months for this goal. Got medicine for ADD. It’s the non stimulant and I haven’t noticed a difference yet, but I’m confident I will. I got TWO jobs. Both at call centers, so I’m deciding which one i’d like more, training on the one that pays better starts on the 28th so I have a little over a week to decide which I would like better. I am leaning towards the one that pays better, has a set schedule, and is closer :), but I like the people at the other place, so I’ll just find out in time I suppose. And once I have a set job, and a few paychecks, I’m signing up for classes again with a clear mind and better focus. AND to help me focus I have a smart phone with a calander app, and my email so I won’t be missing important things that could change my life. I’ll be present for them, and I won’t be sitting at home thinking “I’m pretty sure i’m supposed to be doing something right now.” I’m on my way. I hope.
That said, I think I should state clear and attainable subgoals for this. So I can say “Yes, I did this,” or “No, I am still working on this.”

So my first goal for this was to get diagnosed with ADD to help me become more focused on things other than television and the internet :). This has been done.

Okay so my second goal was to find a part time job. I’ve done this, I think. So, I just need to decide which one I’m going to take, or if I’ll do both until summer to gain extra money and just go back to classes full time then :). I’m working this out now. Either way the money situation is looking up.

• be on a set track for school, knowing how long it will REALLY take to finish, and be on my way to accheiving my certificate
• be a better wife with numbers to show for it: cook more dinners, buy more lingerie, spend more hours with him, and when i’m with him be completely present (okay that last one doesn’t have numbers, but I’ll know).
• have more money in our joint bank account, and have some in my emergency (clothes) account.
• buy some clothes I love, get rid of the things that don’t fit right, don’t look right, don’t feel right. slowly buy surely by next year I should have a style of my own. I’ll think of a number of clothes that need to go and how much I need to get after an inventory of my closet.
• speaking of closet, set up my closetmaid shelves, so I can put my jeans and sweatshirts in them, and then I’ll have the room in my dresser for the rest of my clothes, and everything won’t be jumbled around.
• have a clean clutterless house most of the time. Yes, there will be days that laundry piles up, and I don’t feel good. But those should be the exception not the rule.
• have dinner at the dining room table not on the couch. Dinner will allow me and my husband to be more connected. More together. More present.
• Keep up with my friends in a more meaningful way. Not jsut once in a while call them. Have friends that know I’m there for them when they need me. And get rid of the ones that make me feel like I’m not worth having around. Because Maybe sometimes I’m off kilter, but normally I think I’m kinda fantastic. If they can’t deal with one bad day/night then they don’t deserve me.
• go to bed by midnight every night. if I stay up later than that, I tend to sleep in and lose my day, or I have to get up and I feel tired and disconnected all day. Both bad options.
• feel noticably happier, like I have a purpose in this world by december. That’s the main goal, but these other goals will help with this.

I might add more goals. But these are ones that I will start with.

Well, lets see it’s December 12, 2010. So I suppose the end date for this goal will be December 12, 2011.

Now, what needs to change:
Well, right now I’m unemployed, I’m in school but can’t pay for next semester, I’m floundering. I need a job, part time, I need to be in school and be working towards a goal and a career path that suits me. I need to have my emotional problems sorted out, meaning I hope to be more focused, and at ease in my life, perhaps with medicine or some other form of control for my life. I hope to have more friends, be more approachable. I hope to have my OWN style. One that people think is put together but not overly so. I hope to be myself times five I suppose.

There are some things that I don’t want to change, namely my relationship with my husband. I suppose there’s room for improvement, because nothing is ever perfect, but I don’t want the basis of it to change, I like where we are. I love him, and he loves me and we know it. I’d like to grow on that though, I suppose. Become closer, better at expressing things with him.
I just hope by this time next year I’m on a path…to something.