be nice to myself

this may be a new goal all together.

I don’t know how many times I took some one’s advice, or the advise of my fears and did what I thought I should be doing.

Only after wasting an enormous amount of energy do I realize
that, what I wanted to do in the first place is ALWAYS
INEVITABLY going to be what I NEEDED TO DO!

What could be more exasperating?
I could be a miserable banker, or a happy artist.
Be nice. Do what you really want deep inside. Yes, I talking to me. Listen.

Do what you want not what you think you should be doing. Sometimes it takes going what seems to be backwards in order to make great leaps forwards. Faith. It takes faith in your higher-self.

I ordered some new motorcycle tires. I’m excited. Really good sticky ones.

No that that kind. Forward movement.
Any way. Second week of school – finally moved in. Check.

Woke up early, did yoga in the sun coming through my windows put on my new socks… this is getting fun. Had the fig jam Bo(Little sister) gave me for tea parties on graham crackers(out of toast).

Off to school – home work 90% done any way. It’ll be ready for class.

I moved into a WAY better place, 10’ ceilings, new everything in an old lovely house, hardwood floors all that, amazing views, way too much $, but I need to be nice to myself right now. I think for what I spent on commuting, agony of a crappy set up, it was more expensive before. I’ll probably sleep better, work better and save $, and LOADS of time which is most precious. I have been so far.

I went to a new ‘Naked’ yoga class today in the city.

Naked, vulnerable, flowing, strong, diverse, beautiful.
The presence of a room full of naked bodies, young, old, beautiful, odd, every race, every color, fit, not so fit, became oddly normal after a short time. We moved together as one group with one intension – we became a community of equals in a way. No demour waiting for a bus postur; this was butts in the air, stretching. No cloths – no presumptions about anyone’s particular tastes or lifestyles. No hiding / masking / pretending anything.
Nothing left but the acceptance of others and one’s self. Fear wasn’t there at all.
What a trip. The oddest thing happened. I was there in a meditative pose with nothing particular running through my mind for once, when a sort of image of myself appeared in my mind’s eye as it was leaving my presence. It felt like an identity I had for myself that was being let go of. Like it just wasn’t needed anymore. It so strangely, automatically, and without emotion just went away. Clearing a path for something new perhaps. ???
I love Yoga.

I was a cat. I was persnickety, particular, and finicky. Now I want to learn how to be a dog. I want to be accepting, excited, and lay in the sun with my belly in the air. Or just use my tongue more or something.

I finally slept in. 1st day off from the studio in a month. Fri. I slept all day. Sat. I road my bike all day. I’m so excited to go to bed.

I think I finally got enough water last night in the studio

In trying to be wise and skip risky situations, one could potentially miss a real opportunity – a chance – something truly precious.

A calculated risk is one thing, a blind risk is another thing, and a risk in the face of a ridiculously obvious lack of potential, or promise of a painful ending is a crack-head thing to do I guess.

One should always be ones self.

I thought I alwasy had to be tough. I did everything the hard way.

Someone showed me that being strong is better than being tough.
Strong, vulnerable, open, flowing, nice to myself, eyes open, the easy way – not the hard way.