stop waiting for other people

I get an F in this one for the moment. ugh. I saw it all coming. and I waited anyway. I gave someone else the controls and sat there like a dumby waiting. The month of June went by who’s end came with the dismay of disappointment that can only be exist with the greatest amplifier of disappointment there is: Sitting and waiting and hoping.

We’re now on to doing, and making, and not relying.

So I started a little thing with a splendid Icelandic woman. Unfortunately, she’s been in a difficult relationship for years and wants nothing more than to be alone for a while. But she keeps calling me, coming over, and not wanting a relationship. So now we’re in this wait and see what happens holding pattern thing. OHGAaaawwd what a hell.

I love her and hope she finds what she needs. I think she is amazing. If it works out somehow I would be a very happy man. But I think I just need to get into myself right now. I’m so tired of getting my heart broken I tell you. Its time to change just about everything in my life.

I just finished 8 years of college. I need a new home, new fitness, new lifestyle, new friends, new career, new happiness.

Do you see “sit and wait” in that list anywhere? Nop. Its time to start living my life! YA!!!

There comes a time in every little turd’s life, to move on.

flush

flush

flush

meep meep meep I can’t sleep
I don’t want any sheep.
I just want my peeps

whathefuk imeen, shjeeeez. waaaduz it take?

Lets examine the elements:

You have to be ‘there’ at precisely the right moment to meet the ‘one’ you’re meant for. You have to gage what they want with what you want and negotiate with soft glances and conversations about everything except what you’re talking a about ie the testing the waters period. You have to throw ‘it’ out there but just the right way, not too much, not too little, not in the wrong direction. You have to lean forward across the table when she’s stopped talking, feigning coy, look her in the eyes, wait for her to find your eyes… glance at her lips and back at her eyes to see if she too is thinking of the taste of your breath. Eyelashes batting, glances darting at the that final moment before uniting in the greatest adventure on earth: exploring the universe that is another human. You can smell her skin becoming flush, you lean even closer, hearts beating faster, breath quickening minds reeling with out words. Dizzy – lips parting ever so delicately heads doing that tilt thing… What if you have to shit like there was no tomorrow?!! I mean all that can take hours! Its a lot of pressure. and, excuse me, pressure builds – then what? There’s no clause for that. What if you had a bad night doubting yourself and wondering if all the promises were just fashionable banter. You got up late for work, grabbed the underwear you left on the floor the night before… oh. bad move. Maybe you missed a spot shaving, then this. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMmmmmmmm. The direction of the wind-sock changes just for a second in the diner cafe’ – the carbon dioxide from exited breathe gives way to the wafting in of expansive methane gaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss. Lips impossibly close, her gaze goes a little cross eyed. She looks faint. Someone should really help her to the floor before she hits her head on something. All those fantasy “nesting” images that were blasting threw her mind turn to emergency aircraft evacuation procedures.

more in a minute….I have to go…