overcome PTSD

i’ve had it! i’ve decided to stop allowing ptsd to screw with my life!
the anger over what happened to me and how horribly i was treated will never really go away, but you know what? i don’t care!
for 7 years, i’ve had to endure this…for 7 years, i have mourned the person i once was. yes, i died that day. a part of me left & will never return. i heard my soul scream. it didn’t fully kill me because i wouldn’t let it! it made me stronger. it gave me the power to speak up for myself. noone else was going to defend me (not even the sucky lawyer i had…so sorry to the people of Haverhill…that scumbag lawyer now runs your city!) he didn’t even call the witnesses!!!!! screw that!
I’M TAKING BACK MY POWER! I’M TAKING BACK MYSELF! I’M TAKING BACK MY LIFE! AND NOONE CAN STOP ME NOW!!!!! BRING IT ON!!!!
too many therapists, too many doctors, too many people that wouldn’t listen to me about my physical injuries…too many times i cried out for help & they didn’t listen…then, i found 1 who actually listened & he found what was causing so much physical pain (which exacerbated the ptsd because they wouldn’t listen) too bad for them that i have told everyone i know not to go to these specific “Doctors” because they didn’t even take notes when i asked them to write things down! and i almost went paralyzed because of it. they’re supposed to rule out any physical injuries/problems before even attempting to treat ptsd. not in my case. i was told things noone should ever hear & it makes my blood boil! i’ve replaced the pain with a righteous anger. noone will EVER do that to me again!
IT’S MY TURN NOW!!!!
EMDR was extremely helpful, as were meditative techniques and (surprisingly) counting things (i see 10 car, 9 telephone poles…all the way to 1 & then i dropped the highest number)
breathe in through the nose & out through the mouth, sowly, 1 for mind, 1 for body, 1 for spirit
don’t be afraid to ask for help!!!! reach out to people!!! there are support groups irl & online. utilize them….
above all don’t give up. please, please, don’t ever give up on yourself…

to the 7th anniversary of the accident that caused so many problems for me.
i’ve come a LONG way since that horrible day. i still have problems because of it though & some of them will never go away… like the arthritis in my lower back and sternum because of some of my injuries…
but the attacks are less frequent and not as strong (for the most part) and i drive.
i didn’t even want to get in a car after that for fear of it happening again. i was afraid to drive for fear of having a flashback behind the wheel.
now i have my sweet little orange ion & drive with the attitude of “what part of a bright orange car do you not see, stupid?” if someone even tried to say they didn’t see me, i’d have to tell them their either blind & shouldn’t be driving anyways or call them a liar! it’s bright orange! how can you not see me now?????
i am better able to help other people that have to deal with this too.
it didn’t kill me because i wouldn’t let it. i lost too much because of a careless, elderly driver, i refuse to let him take more from me!!!
i am an unstoppable positive force! i am strong and determined to completely overcome this!!!!!

that i get out of bed, get in my car, and go to work, i overcome my ptsd just a little more…

i’ve been working on this goal for almost 7 years now. i’m tired. i hate it & want it to be gone from my life… i know i’m doing better than i was even 3 years ago (i have my license & a car & a job) but then sometimes i feel it nipping at me… and i can’t do much but cry. between that, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and the physical injuries i had it consumed my soul for 3 years. i couldn’t stop ptsd from killing part of me no matter how much i tried. now i feel emotionally broken…i know there was nothing i could do to stop what happened from happening. i was an innocent passenger & he crossed the line not us. my life became my hell.
i know i’m doing so much better, but when will it stop having this affect on me? when will it go away & leave me alone?