Be impeccable with my word

I’ve been MUCH better about this since I posted this goal. I used to lie. A lot.

I wouldn’t say I’ve “done” this, but I’m improving. When friends ask me to go out, I don’t tell them that I can’t anymore. I tell the truth—that I don’t want to or that I have other plans.

I also came clean about an exaggeration that I lived as a reality for a very long time. I told my boyfriend. He didn’t want to hear the FULL truth, but I gave him the opportunity. He preferred the version that made me appear more heroic to him, but I offered him the truth and he’s aware that I led him to believe an exaggeration.

He also told me that my interpretation of events is vivid and flawed. He explained to me that he understands that much of what I articulate is bigger and more vibrant because I am a story-teller.

It doesn’t make me comfortable to know that and I won’t stop trying to be impeccable, but it’s good to know that he who loves me will accept me regardless. Knowing that I am loved despite such tremendous flaws makes it much easier to tell the truth.

I’m not afraid that the truth will alienate those I love anymore. That is the most empowering way that I’ve grown in the last year.

I still carry guilt from some of the stories I’ve weaved that I can never undo, but I can refuse to craft anymore.

This should prove to be the most difficult goal on my list because there are lies I’ve told that have become ingrained in my life. There are lies I have to live daily.

To be impeccable, I’m not sure I can erase those lies. They form a foundation upon which my social existence exists. To admit to everyone that those are untruths would destroy more than I am willing.

But I can choose to leave that in the past. I can be impeccable when facing those lies by saying, “I’d prefer not to discuss that. I’m no longer that person and I’m no longer making those decisions.” That is impeccable.

In order to reach this goal, I must handle the past first. I must choose to live in the present and to be honest about what is happening in it.

Thank you, Tiisi, for wording this goal in way that I can embrace it. And thank you for blogging about conscious decisions to be impeccable with your word. Those inspire me.

Haha. Just writing this made the “quit smoking” goal more difficult.