give up smoking

I’ve been agonising over this for far too long. Various events helped fuel the content but it’s really about now that I felt the pressure of truth and transparency upon me. Wanting and always being a ‘man’ of my ‘word’ I knew that this particular thing was not up-to-date, I am about to alter that…

Yeah, I started smoking again, not sure who else to blame in entirety though Marilyn, Nesar and temptation are high on the list of potential suspects!

So, after having given up I’m back to being a smoker that wants to quit – upside is that I still want to quit.

Things have been how they’ve been, and since July they’ve been different – that’s helping me recognise a) the denial that I gave up and started again and b) making contemplate when to give up.

I’ll do my best to keep you updated.

I was doing fine until I chanced going out for a nightclubbing session – slipped on Easter Sunday and had 10 cigarettes.

Felt very guilty about this – but glad to have returned to my commitment immediately and did not continue after last cigarette at 5am Monday morning. It was a good warning about just how susceptible I am to the temptation.

Last night my councillor was very supportive and explained that I must endeavour to come up with ways to beat this. Putting her advice into my words she was teaching me to hack my brain, another learned friend – dear Hilary Curtis – told me the research to read up on this is from Prochaska and Diclemente’s transtheoretical model of behaviour change.

Anyhow, the key is to distract the brain with different events – especially sense-oriented events like taste and smell during moments where you might have a cigarette – one example was to try drinking something different although in my case not such a good idea being an ex-cocktail barman. Another idea was to use a different hand to drink – by breaking out of the ‘auto-pilot’ way of doing what one is used to it helps beat the brain’s system of keeping us in character – as one no longer wants to be a smoker, the characteristics of being a smoker, particular to me, need to be erased and replaced with other ‘memories’.

Not had a cigarette since Monday and luckily on the exhalation readout I was proved honest and only had 9 parts of carbon-monoxide in my lungs which registered ‘green’ i.e. ok.

Still irritable though – although that’s beginning to fade too luckily and smell has improved which is great considering I love to cook and eat a wide variety of dishes.

First time I ever bothered was last year on my wedding day and lasted 5 months. So, back again and this time with the help from my fellow tax payers who via the UK NHS are paying for 4 weeks of Nicotine Replacement Therapy. Thank you fellow tax payers.

Started on Sunday 9th 2006 and so far so good… although the crazy dreams and irritability are not too cool – apologies to my wife for being a real pain at home at the moment.