quit drinking

There is no sense waiting for New Year’s Day to begin our resolutions! Any thing worth doing is worth doing now. A better goal is to already be an expert on these things we’ve resolved to do by the time the New Year rolls around. Proverbs 13:4 says: “The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the…diligent are fully satisfied.” And James 4:13-14 adds: ”...you say ‘today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city’. Why, you do not even know what tomorrow will bring”.

I realized a couple of days ago that Nov 1st marked 4 months of sobriety. I can’t even begin to describe the wonderful work that God has done in completely delivering me from my alcoholism. Unlike my many failed solo attempts to quit, I no longer have good days or bad days; I simply have blessed days. Every day is a blessed day because every day that passes is a day that alcohol is not even a thought in my mind. I no longer try to resist alcohol; rather, alcohol simply doesn’t exist to me.

Let me be clear on this: My sobriety is not my achievement. My sobriety is given to me by the grace of God simply because I have chosen to completely submit my life to Him and live my life for His works and according to His will. The best news of all is that the deliverance of alcoholism as well as all other habitual sins is available to everyone through the grace of God. Psalm 107:10-16 says:

“Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So He subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.”

Wow! I get chills every time I read that. The words and the truth are so powerful, profound, and alive!

For more information on my story, please click the link below. And please feel free to contact me at any time. I would love to help in any way I can.

http://www.43things.com/how_i_did_it/view/62494/how-to-quit-drinking

Today marks one month of sobriety. All glory goes to God!

Psalm 107:10-16 says this:

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So He subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

I put myself through an alcohol binge a few days ago and it cost me monumentally. In fact, I pushed away the absolute best thing that ever happened to me and what’s worse is that I also killed all hope of ever getting it back. The pain and loss that I caused will always serve as a stinging reminder to stay sober and while my confidence in sobriety is at a ridiculous alltime high, I feel zero happiness as I sit and type. The happiness will come with time, I know, but learn a lesson from me 43:

Take care of those you love.
Put the bottle down.
Get help.

Have a safe 4th weekend, everyone.

• On 9/8/09, I made an important edit to the “How I Did Section” at the following link. Please visit my step 4 once you visit the link.

http://www.43things.com/how_i_did_it/view/62494/how-to-quit-drinking *

Given my introversion, I thought I would be really nervous about attending my first AA meeting. Surprisingly, however, I felt pretty good. I was more nervous about finding the right location and showing up on time than I was about the actual meeting!

I live in a small town, so naturally the group was rather small. I suppose there were 13 or 14 folks. I just knew I’d see someone that I knew or recognized, but I didn’t. Tonight the focus was on Tradition 12. Because I haven’t really studied the steps, etc. yet, I didn’t really get a lot out of the meeting itself, but I know I will with time. However, I had a great talk with my sponsor after the meeting. Actually, from the moment I walked in, I really enjoyed his demeanor, so I was thrilled when he volunteered to sponsor me! He insisted on paying for my Big Book and we talked a bit about why I decided to come to AA. I mentioned that I have had some success on solo sobriety tours, but that the ups and downs were becoming too much. And I told him that I knew someone who was having success with AA (you know who you are), so I thought I’d give it a try as well.

When I got to my car, tears just welled up in my eyes because I realized more deeply than ever what a broken person I am. But I also realized that I am finally on the road to recovery, not just with drinking, but with so many things in life. As I drove away, an incredible, almost tangible rush of confidence washed over me. I don’t wonder if AA will help. I KNOW. And I don’t wonder if I’ll have success with AA, I KNOW. My determination to be sober coupled with the support of like-minded folks is a sure fire recipe for success.

When times are tough, I have always found comfort and encouragement in the following verses:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

• On 9/8/09, I made an important edit to the “How I Did It” at the following link. Please visit my step 4 once you visit the link.

http://www.43things.com/how_i_did_it/view/62494/how-to-quit-drinking *

During the past year or so, I have somehow managed a couple of semi-lengthy solo sobriety tours. However, I am laying down my guns, stepping outside of my introversion and independent nature, and I am going to delve deeply into external support.

I have been contemplating this delving for several weeks now, and I have decided that 7/1 is an excellent choice of date. After all, 7/1 is the beginning of a new year, fiscally, at least (I have budgets to prove it) and 7/1 is really close to my biological birthday of 7/3. So, is there anything better than to celebrate two birthdays 48 hours apart?

Also, my local AA happens to be meeting on New Year’s Day, 7/1. Marvelous! I’ll keep you posted.

Well, yesteday sucked out loud! Tonight I am running a 50-mile ultrarun in the boonies of NC, so I am hoping to plod all over some of my depressions and issues as I take in the night air and banter with some of my best running friends.

...I finally fell victim to one of life’s curve balls. I haven’t posted since Oct of 2008. At the time I was pretty much in cruise control in regards to my sobriety. True, I had minor struggles from time to time, but no real battles. That trend basically continued through the holidays, despite the loss of a very close grandmother a couple of days before Christmas. But then in January I began to have strong, unexplainable urges to drink. Still I battled on.

Then in Feb, I lost one of my best friends in the entire world, my grandfather. His last name is my middle name, I joined the Navy because he was in the Navy, etc. He was one of only 2 or 3 people in this world that I actually looked up to. His death wasn’t tragic; he simply had failing health. Still, it has been incredibly difficult to deal with just the same. In fact, it was far more difficult than I could have ever imagined it would be. I felt lost, no sense of direction, no confidant in this world. Consequently, the bottle appeared to be my only out, so I began drinking heavily again.

After achieving 245 days of sobriety before my relapse, I became really ticked at myself for allowing myself to slip back into my destructive habits. Every week, I would renew my vow to quit but would only manage a string of 2-4 days. By April I had finally had enough (again), and with the help of a close friend I quit drinking yet again.

I decided to post tonight, now day 46, because tonight was by far the toughest test that I’ve had in a really long time. I encounterd a completely unexpected and totally life-changing obstacle that isn’t about to relent any time soon. So, I’m back in the trenches, fighting one day at a time. I have my grandfather’s WWII dog tags hanging from my neck. They remind me that since he was able to survive the dangers of war, I can certainly survive my battles with alcohol regardless of the hand we’re sometimes dealt. And I pray to God for the strength to carry on.

...but I don’t think it would ever work for me. I have to look at the obvious: if I were capable of moderation, I would have done it by now. I wouldn’t have been drinking heavily for 13 consecutive years since turning 21. I don’t know what more proof I need that I am not capable of moderation. True, at times I was able to cut back, sometimes to the point that I thought I had this alcoholism thing licked. However, each time I “successfully moderated” I would always end up right back in the perils of over indulgence.

The truth is, I love the buzz too much to simply do it every now and then. And I know me: if I were to give in and just have “one drink”, I would simply end up making tons of excuses to have additional drinks as time went on; maybe not at first, but eventually that would be the case as history has indisputably proven.

I am certainly not knocking anyone for attempting moderation. Some folks are certainly able to make a healthy lifestyle change by incorporating moderation. But for me personally, I use this as my analogy for moderation in regards to alcoholism and my personal situation: It’s like sitting in a room complaining of being freezing cold, yet purposefully leaving the window cracked. In the end, you never truly recover from the miserable conditions.