be real

and for better or worse, I put myself out there again. I was honest, and vulnerable, and proud, and strong. It was scary, and even now I don’t know what the outcome will be. I refuse to be ashamed of the path that brought me here to this moment, and I refuse to apologize for my choices. What you see is what you get, at least that’s the path I’m on….

thought about telling her a story instead of just saying straight out that I wasn’t going to keep plans with her…but then I just said straight out that I wouldn’t be able to make it because I was meeting other friends. She might be pissed, but she didn’t say she was – I asked. We’re kind of on the fence about the relationship – like she only called me because her plans fell through, you know how that goes….time will tell if we are going to build trust and have continued honesty between us or if we’re just going to each go our way..

...so I met someone when I was out on Friday. And we talked about everything under the sun. I put myself out there a little bit, talking about my dreams and my hurts and my choices. I even stood up for what I need, think, and feel. Could it be that I’m learning how to act from a place of knowing myself? What a beautiful thing! I like this man – he makes me laugh, and he’s tough, and he’s compassionate. I’m just letting it all fall into place (or not) as fate would have it. He’s either going to like and appreciate me for who I am or it’s not going to work…another beautiful, precious thing :)

this weekend I ran into a guy that I had met months ago at one of the local honkytonks (yes they have them here in Chicago, they’re just few and far between!) anywho, he went MIA because he was working and doing rodeo, and I had asked around about him. OF COURSE, he took it the wrong way, not friendly-like, more like interested, so when he invited me to stop by the barn and see his horse I was excited to meet her, not to see him like he was thinking (there’s some things you just know). True to my word, however, I showed up and spent time there, then gracefully took my leave. Man I am developing some skills and getting in touch with who this woman is in here. Pretty damn cool!