1 person thinks this is worth it.
made up my mind a week ago that I was done with this thing. This time it’s different, because I finally, FINALLY believe in my heart what my head was trying to tell me for so long. He’s not THE GUY. He doesn’t feel what I need him to feel. I don’t feel what I NEED to feel to be able to be with him and be happy. I only end up broken, and that’s not what I want for myself. I value myself and my life more than that. Goodbye.
got some good advice from people that love me, and I can see more clearly now…why would I give up my hard won strength, faith, hope, and independence just to be with someone that tears all of that down? I don’t think he means to…it’s just who he is, holding me to some impossible standard that he thinks he meets himself…
I want more than he can give…it’s sad, but it’s the truth…I need to figure out how to close the door on that chapter and move on….
My heart and my gut KNOW that Jim and I are meant for each other. My head gets bogged down with mores and what other people think and trying to make sense of what my heart wants and trying to make excuses for the times that break it. We talked on Friday and I left with more hope than ever that we were going to find our way to be together. I love him so much, and when I love I love with everything I have…even when he is inconsiderate, and prideful, and demanding. I keep trying to slam the door shut, though, to protect myself and honor the way I feel when he hurts me…my stupid heart just throws itself in the way to be a wedge to keep the door cracked open. Why can’t he just say definitively that he knows in his heart and his gut that he can’t ever be with me in that way again? Then I could understand, and believe – instead, he qualifies his “I don’t love you” with “I don’t love THIS WOMAN” – like if I could be someone else, the woman he met the first night we met, then he could love me with all his heart. And the thing is, when I look into his eyes, I can see that he loves me still. So I don’t know where we go from here…
logically, it makes perfect sense…his actions hurt my feelings, and show that he doesn’t care for me in the way I need him to. My HEAD understands completely why I have chosen not to chase that dream anymore. I just have no idea how to convince my HEART that I shouldn’t give it another try, and another, and another…
so I was wondering yesterday how it was going to be for Jim and me…when he stood me up last night, and still hasn’t responded to my stinging voicemail expressing my anger and hurt, it pretty much told me all I needed to know about where his head is at. And let me tell you, there is no sun shining there! The price is too high for me to keep going there…my self respect is worth more than the fleeting moments of happiness we shared.
and we talked
and talked
and talked
of course I can’t stop thinking about him, I was a fool to try to convince myself that I don’t love him anymore…you don’t get over the love of your life in 6 weeks…
I can’t tell right now if I’m going to give up on this one and enjoy the rest of my life with him or if he and I are once again going to be facing two roads that go in opposite directions…
Yes, I, too, have a Jim that I wish to stop thinking about. The past is gone and there is no future there. AND, I need to let it go. God I hope it’s not the same Jim LOL! The whole bit about time being the answer has rung true for me so far, so maybe, just maybe, there will be a day here soon where I won’t wonder…
