stop being bulimic

hey there… i know that most of you people will never care about me… but whatever… im sorry if i have spelling errors… listen, my name is Evan JAmes, i am currently 18 years old… and ive had bulimia for about 3 years… my wind pipe or esoughegas is torn in half… fuck man… every fucking day its the same shit again and again… I WANT TO STOP!!!!! i threw up on my 1 year annaversary with my current girlfriend… i cant bring myself to tell her… but… it is because i did throw up on that day that i HAVE to get better… if i cant… ill never forgive myself… it all started out as something to do… no idk… i used to be in a very controlling relationship with one of my ex girlfriends… and i was overly controlling… anyways… after we broke up… that sense of lost control… it was maddening… i have since learned from my fucked up past to never treat a girl like that again… i fucked up with my current girlfriend by not telling her i had sexual relations with my ex… what a fuck up i am… anyways… after the break up w/ my ex… at that time… i was heavily over fucking weight… im crying as of now… but… i honestly dont know how much i fucking weighed at the time… i think ive lied so much about why i started i cant come up with an honest answer as to the actual weight… but to speed it up to now… IM SICK OF FUCKING UP! my fucking relationship with my girlfriend, Arnika… god… even after a year… all i want is to make her happy… i need to get a fucking hold on my life… fuck… i dont want to lose her… please help me… DAY 1