Almost six months down for the books, kids. I found the right person for me, completely by accident. The curse has been shattered and thrown into Mount Doom.
Paper Airplane has written 96 entries about this goal
A month later, it’s still going great. :)
I don’t know how this is going to pan out, but I’m going with it anyway.
So, THAT’S how this works!!! Ha HA!!!
Why do I become unintentionally attracted to the nice guys who are ultimately emotionally unavailable?
Meh. I feel like a total asshole.
I think that I am subconsciously attracted to men who treat me like I’m less important; I’m the girl you meet, hang out with, and maybe even date for three weeks (that seems to be the lifespan these days. WTF?), right before you meet your next girlfriend.
I could finally articulate it yesterday during a conversation with K. While I was growing up, and after my parents split, my dad treated me like a secondary (and sometimes, tertiary) priority. His attention often veered toward his music, or his girlfriend of the month, rather than making sure we had weekend visitations, that I was covered under health insurance, or even that I got picked up for school at all.
I mean, I love my dad, but goddamn, was he a shit archetype. I’m completely aware of his failure as a father, and that it was not my fault, nor even, entirely his. HE never learned how to be a decent parent, because HIS family was so fucked up. But I can’t fix the past, and I can’t carry the cross anymore. But I’m at a complete loss as how to address how it affects my own present and future, and let it the fuck go.
Oh, and K emphatically told me that she thinks that M “really, really, really likes” me, but he’s got the savior complex, being too busy being “Captain Save-A-Ho”. Heh, heh.
Seriously, though. I’ve been in those shoes, and I’m so done with them. It’s exhausting. But how the hell do I sit back, stay zen, and let things happen as they are supposed to, with the RIGHT person, if i’m still drawn to people like that??
I can remain friends with M, I know. But is it wrong that I’d like to smack him upside the head for giving his ex her 18th chance? Dude, I like you, and I’m glad you never used me as Interim Girl, but homey, you are a straight-up idiot. Fo’ real. Get it together.
Uh, so, unbeknownst to me, a mutual friend told M what’s up. (Yes. That guy.)
He now knows. And so do I. Apparently, it’s a bit mutual.
He’s definitely avoiding me. A simple “I’m not interested” would suffice, but oh, well. Moving on…
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