be less socially awkward

I will always be a little awkward, but I feel like I’m more comfortable with myself these days. I’m not too concerned about the bit of awkwardness that is there because I’m also not all that concerned about what others think. Moving forward…

K and I went to a dinner party this weekend, at a new-ish friend’s place and it went very well. I managed to be less awkward than usual due to a few glasses of excellent wine I had, which is unusual behavior for me. (I have to really watch it when I drink, because I’m a former addict and am terrified of overdoing it and losing control amongst people I do not know well.) I’m thinking that we may return the favor and throw a small get-together of our own at K’s place in the city. We don’t have a whole lot of friends, but I think we can manage to get a small dinner party of folks together. I love love love cooking for people.

We vowed to try to be more social lately, even though both of us are fighting it all the way. I like to think that we’re easing into it. Heh.

Due to recent events, now more than ever I need to try and force myself to be social again. I had my month of sulking alone, it’s time to get out there and be around other people again. I’m not even worried about the socially awkward part at this point…I think I need to just GET OUT and DO THINGS.

I’m back to work this week (after 2 months on disability!) so that is at least getting me out of the house. Perhaps I’ll try and make an effort to go out with coworkers once in awhile. And maybe, just maybe, when I’m invited out by friends as I have been several times in the past few weeks, I’ll try to show up if it’s feasible. I can be a real flake when I’m hermitting. Time to knock that off.

I’m feeling like I might be getting a bit TOO anti-social these days, and that I might be in a bit of a rut here. K and I go out to movies and dinner and whatnot, but we haven’t really been going out with other people much. We don’t go to parties or out in groups or anything like that, and maybe it’s gotten to the point where this is unhealthy? I’ve gotten so used to our solitude that it’s going to take some work to ease myself back into this. I turned down a perfectly lovely opportunity to attend a low-key get-together type thing tonight because I thought I might feel awkward, and now I feel kinda bad about this because K decided not to go without me and it probably would’ve been fun. But, perhaps this wasn’t the best way to ease back in anyways.

I really don’t know how this happened. I used to be out and about constantly! I guess the pace of my life has really changed a lot in the last few years, and maybe I’ve just gotten too comfortable in my own little solitary SJ world. Perhaps a bit of purposeful discomfort is what I’m going to need to get myself out of this.