forgive

I’m currently watching Tom’s marriage dissolve and it is justifying. I am pretty detached though. It doesn’t give me the satisfaction I thought it would. Mainly because he hasnt changed at all. he calls me up and complains about the things SHE is doing to him which are all things HE did to ME. He says he hopes she gets hurt the way he did … something I said about him many times. I told him that he says the dumbest things to me. He said he knows but then kept on blabbering. Is it forgiveness when you just dont care anymore? Maybe forgiveness isnt always necessary. Maybe letting it go is enough.

... that I am not nearly as angry as I used to be. Gives me hope that one day I won;t be angry at all. :)

My anger is fading a little. I think that’s good. I find myself just not caring. I may never be able to forgive him completely but I can forgive him a little once the anger fades.

Sometimes I think I could forgive him but then I realize I have just not been thinking about him. My heart is still bleeding. You can’t stop being angry when your heart is still bleeding.

I am dealing with infidelity right now, obviously a big deal. I have HUGE amounts of anger. I have never been so angry with anyone in my life. I don;t like how it feels at all. On the other hand, I am in no way ready to forgive. Someday I hope I will be. Someday when it stops being so close to me, I hope I will be ready to forgive him.