make peace with my past

I’ve moved on.

This has been a slow draining process but I am getting there and doing better than I have been before. Most of this has to do with a couple of failed relationships, one that lasted many years and was very devastating to me, the other lasted only a year but was devastating in a different way, because he treated me so badly all the time. The first relationship had been a good one, the second relationship had gone sour pretty quickly. I was cheated on, ignored, dismissed and all kinds of things that made my normally high self esteem sink so low. It was very destructive to me, and even now I deal with residual from all that happened to me back then. It was about 9 months ago things ended completely and I stopped having anything to do with him. Since thing every day has been better. Since cutting that badness out of my life, things have improved so much and I feel great about myself again. Of course I think I will always be bitter, because of it all, he certainly made me look at people (especially men) in a way I never had. I stopped being trusting like I used to and I do hate him for stealing parts of me away that are hard to get back.

As far as the other relationship, that one mainly has to do with letting go. He & I were together 6 years and engaged for 2. It was a lot of little things that piled up that made us fall apart, a huge one being distance bewteen us physically. It has been 3 years since we broke up but we continued to talk and be friends and even entertain the thought of reconciling up until about a year ago. He slowly started disappearing from my life, and it has taken me these 9 long months trying to sort it out, why he dropped me as a friend and stopped caring about me. Part of me will always care for him, we were each others first everything. But, 6 months ago I met a wonderful man, named Tim and now he & I are engaged to be married this fall. At times I have let my past interfere with my relationship with Tim and it has not been easy on either of us, but I am slowly but surely cutting that out of my life. In a perfect world, we would all be friends but that is just not reality. Tim is my world now and I want to make things work with us and not let the past cloud that and ruin it.