be more confident

The last excelent grades that I received gave me more energy to the huge montain of things to study, research and wirte to the end of the semester! I feel I can organize my time better now I’m doing a prettier job in a less time than in the past.
At work, everything is going well too. My boss is great, my mates are funny, kinds and we help each other always. Last week, we started up the activities in a new area and I’m the responsable there. Now I have more activities and I’m always in a hurry, but I’m loving it. Let’s how it will be when the problems start to come more often.

This morning I subscribed me to a engeenering thing (secret), so I met there so many classmates from college. There was a girl I’ve never talked before, but we were in the same class once a week 2 semesters ago. We discovered we are together in the Tuesday classes now. She was talking to me she always wanted to study Eletronics but now chose to study Energy because she was afraid for don’t find internship programs to do or even jobs in the future. And she told me more: in a Digital Systems class, many people were telling this kind of stuff and the teacher said to them about a girl who had many bad moments on college but still study what she likes, she didn’t care if Eletronics is more difficult than Energy. Now she is in the third internship program and nowadays she is in one of the best companies in the world. So, yeah, Eletronics can give many opportunities if you look for them. Everybody was surprised because this story was about a girl, a girl was doing great in a world made to stronge men. “Who’s she?”, “That one who always sit in the last line with a bold tall guy and sometimes tell jokes in the class”. Wow, what a surprise, this wonderful girl is ME!!! My classmate in the line told me how she’s never talked to me but was proud to know these good news, “a girl were doing all this, I can do too”. It was so strange to know some teacher was telling my story to my classmates as I’d be a example. I don’t remember the last time I was an example to someone. Or at least I’ve known I was being an example. Well, I had a good lesson today. I’m always complaining about most of my days, sometimes I forget the great side they have. I just have to be more confident and don’t listen to the bad comments. I know they always will exist, even when I’m doing a wonderful job. I just have to fell I’m doing great and don’t wait someone tell this to me (and the same to the mistakes, I always have to improve).

Yeah, one day at a time. This hard time won’t last forever. Being a little example today… Who knows what’s waiting for me in the future? :)

Yesterday I was on the phone with my boyfriend. He was giving me the good news of the day: he got his driver’s license. It was his second chance in practical test and he was so afraid of fail again. I think I was more confidente for him then himself. And it’s funny to see we achieved a thing that seemed to be almost impossible some months ago. And we achieved it almost in the same time. This fact made us think about how our lives are getting well lately. Ok, we complain a lot about our internship programs that never will become a job, even with all efforces. But they are a achievement too. I’m sure, after them, we will get soemthing better in the way. In the end of the year, he will graduate at college (another thing he thought would never happen) and I’m ready to begin my final paper and graduate maybe next year. Before that, I’m sure other great things still happen to us.

I think my problem is know how to lead with the bad side of all these good achievements. Probably I have to learn more about “emotional intelligence” and this kind of stuff. Without this, maybe I’ll have the same problems in all jobs I get.

These last days I’m impossible. I’m exploding very often, sometimes for some little things that I could handle better in other times. I don’t know what is happening to me. I think I can control it but, when it happens, it’s like I have no choice, just have to cry, scream, say stupid things…

I loved this list that Jimrin posted in his “be more patient” goal. In my case, be more patient englobe be more confident too. And I’m in a time I’m really thinking about the things I have to put in my mind to be more peaceful, happy, calm and believer that all I want can happen. After some time, I’ll re-visit this list and see what I changed in my thoughts.

GREAT RECIPE FOR THE NEW YEAR!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, “My purpose is to _ today. I am thankful for _.”
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured.
4. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
5. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
6. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
7. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
8. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
9. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
10. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
12. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
13. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
14. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this really matter?”
15. Forgive everyone for everything.
16. What other people think of you is none of your business.
17. GOD heals everything – but you have to ask Him.
18. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
19. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!
20. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
21. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: “I am thankful for _.” “Today I accomplished _.”
22. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

With the bad news at college, it’s hard to keep the mind nice. I’m always thinking in how the things are always wrong with me, how I can be so dumb and why I insist in continue this college that I can’t handle. But, what could I do if I give this all things up? I don’t have another dream, just this one. So I have to keep fighting against these bad news, bad feelings and bad thoughts. I had this sadness yesterday, but I have to see how 2008 was full of other sucess too. 2009 is almost there and I can continue the sucess and fix the mistakes. I have to believe that I’m in the right way, some good decisions were taken and all this mess will end some day, it won’t last forever as it seems to be.

That’s what I should take to me this times. I know my choices and I have to hang with their consequences. I have to put in my mind I won’t be good in everything I do (much more if I’m doing so many things at once). I have to know my limits and how to do my best with them. And I have to know what I’m good in too. Maybe I’m far from being what they want from me in my job, but this happend coz I have a goal at my college that’s more important to me now. I’m proud for being honest with them and they think I’m good in what I’m doing, but I can’t do more, it’s a real fact. I can keep my way and don’t worry about some words I’ve been listening a lot these days (including the ones insides of my own head). I know I’m ok (I have to be) and this time will be worthy when I get my degree and look for a job I can be hired not a internship one.

I don’t know why I’m saying all this stuff here. Probably I need to repeat it all the time to be convinced.

It’s my recentest biggest problem! I’m in the job I’ve been dreaming about for almost 2 years. I’m on it and I’m more and more nervous with the days passing. I’m learning a lot, but I’m afraid with so much responsabilities. I have an one-week travel with all paid but I’m afraid of fell alone there or the company think it was a money unworthy. I have another trip with my boyfriend in the end of the month and I don’t even remember it as I should, coz I’m so nervous with this one next week (the boss only told me about it on wednesday).
Someone, please, tell me something that will make me fell calm, please, please, please :_~

I’ve been in hard days, besides some good news. My biggest problem at this moment is about college, and it’s a problem I can’t fix imediatly. I’ve been there for so long, I should be gratuated some time ago, but I still there, seeing my old friends get good jobs, moving out, and have to make new friends between classmates that make jokes about “people like me”...
The last semesters was great, I was felling I was in a good way. But this one has been a disaster. All classes are horrible and I’m not getting good grade in any of them. I hope at least I can pass for the only one that can make me stay there for one more semester. Just it!
It was offered to me a better job, the job of my dreams. Now I can found out if it is really as in my dreams. But I can only see the bad side: how my time will be precious next semester. I’m so afraid I can’t be organized and don’t maintain this two important things to me.
I have friends and my boyfriend supporting me, but I can’t hear my parents annoying me about it anymore. I know they are right in their discussion, but anytime they didn’t try to see how it has been hard to me too. It’s like I chose it or I’m irresponsable and it’s far to be true.
The days to the final exams is arriving and I can’t wait for it. It’s too much pression and sometimes I think I can’t hardle with it. I hope in vacations I can rest about these issues, enjoy more my weekends and get adapted in the new job. Probably it will make me get some new energy to the new classes…