Get over it

its been a hard year so far…i’ve lost a few friends and made some new enemies and had my heart broken several times by the same person, wondering if i will ever learn from my mistakes and leave it alone, i know its something i have to do for my own happiness and wellbeing, its not easy but i know im stronger than the way i have been behaving lately…with a little time and a little faith in myself i know ill get through it but for now i guess its best to take baby steps and eventually i will have come so far and wont even have realised. so i no longer need to write about the past, but about the future because thats where im going.

How many times am i going to allow myself be hurt? to be lied to? Be cheated on? The fact that i have allowed it to happen so many times in the past just shows how little i must think of myself, to be stuck in this situation where we have broken up and got back together so many times and each time it seems to hurt just as much as the first time everytime i make a little progress ill go back.

I know that i will learn alot from this one day and it will make me stronger. Something has to be done i cant carry on doing this to myself.

I really screwed myself over this time…why did i let myself get so lost in a fantasy and lose all reality on the situation and be so blind to what was really going on.

It hurts so much i really dont know what to do with myslef.

I dont think i can pick myself up this time

I think im slowly getting other it! im still speaking 2 and seeing my ex which isnt ideal but while im in this position im gradually starting to see him for what he really is and reconising that his put downs is just because hes afraid and jelous that ill move on so he wants to keep me under his control…i need to leave him but cant seem to do it, i cant help myself but go back to him but i guess each time i go back and get hurt that i learn a little and more feelings for him seem to go…so it needs 2 run its course

I started seeing my ex again on the chance that he had realised the mistake he had made and want me back…it didnt happen and nothing at all changed and now its like im back to square one, i wish i never agreed to see him, walked away and got on with the rest of my life at least then i could have left with a bit of dignity.

I keep thinking that maybe it wasn’t all a waste of time and he’ll decide that he loves me and wants to be with me and we could all live happily ever after but i guess thats stupid of me because its too late now and hes hurt me too much.