heal from abuse

Talk therapy allowed me to get angry; meditation is allowing me to forgive.

I needed to do both.

I have come to a realization that I need to forgive my abuser.

Make no mistake, this does not mean that the abuse was okay or that the abuse that I suffered does not still affect me. I still have a relationship with this person, and years of emotional berating and physical assault are difficult to overcome. I am having great difficulty with the the whole effect it has had on my life and my being, especially since I blamed myself for years for causing the abuse.

It’s so difficult to accept and forgive, but it helps for me to remember that acceptance is not equivalent to approval.

Acceptance and acquiescence are not the same thing. I think maybe acceptance is relinquishing control and personal investment and acquiescence is allowing and permitting an action to continue.

I choose forgiveness.

If I accept what has happened and give up my perceived control of harboring resentment and anger and wanting an apology, or at the very least have what happened acknowledged as having been wrong, I can start letting go.

Additionally, by letting go of my judgment, I do not have to have the responsibility of carrying this grief and resentment. It eats into my happiness and contentment.

I cannot change the past or other people or anything but myself and how I choose to act. I will break the chain of abuse in my family and allow myself to just be, without all this baggage. That is a choice that I can make for myself.

I mean, easier said than done, but now that I have a map, it is a bit easier to navigate.