Join the circus

I have been struck with the sudden urge to join the circus. I want to be an aerial artist, but i hate performing. it makes no sense. I want to be a clown, but I’m not even remotely funny. I want to juggle, but I have no coordination. I want to be a contortionist, but I’m afraid I’m too old. I am 18, but I know circus artists train starting at a young age.
The circus excites me even as it scares me. I remember reading a Russian fairy tale about a little orphan boy who was an acrobat in a circus. His master would starve him and abuse him. That story gave me the creeps, and to this day, whenever I go to the circus I remember that story and it gives me the chills. Clowns are especially scary.
I am a massage therapist and applied for a job at Cirque du Soleil. We’ll see what happens!
What I really want to do is go study at the San Francisco Circus Center, but that would require me moving there from Pennsylvania, which, incidentally, I would LOVE to do, but just don’t see how at this moment. Oh well!