learn how to ask for help when I need it

but not completely. Kind of have refined my goal with another new one, by identifying and asserting my needs. Asking for help will emerge from this.

Mmmh, there is something about pride in this..

So scared of sounding needy!

I think I need to remember that I become needy when I cannot ask for what I need properly, so I end up hoping the other guesses and of course they don’t. The irony is that I am sure if I could accept/assume what I need, I would feel and sound much LESS needy!!

Got poorly, still waiting to hear what it may be, serious, not serious, don’t know. But god it is the first time I HAVE TO ask for help as there are things I cannot do anymore, or struggle, and this hurts..

Not sure whether is the fear of showing vulnerability, pride, lack of humility.

Have always been so self-reliant, so resilient, so wrapped up in myself and now its my own body which forces me to go and reach out, without me having a choice anymore. I have shut up all those voices inside who wanted me to reach out all those years, and now here I am, not completely alone but stuck in being able to ask. It is scary, I don’t want to swamp people, I don’t want to look needy. Mmmh, bit of pride, definitely.

Not sure about what would help me to ask for help – and not feeling completely like falling apart or inferior. Maybe being clear about what I need would help, and putting the request out without feeling like there is something wrong with me. And not putting the other person in a power position, which will make me loose my thinking even more, and probably make the other person uncomfortable. Well, that’s a start.

Mmmh.. not sure I am doing very well on that one… What is the difference between being a dependent victim expecting to be rescued and asking for help?

This means:
1. Recognising when / what I need
2. Accepting that I need something
3. Realising that I need to ask for help because I can’t do it on my own
4. Daring to go to the person
5. Taking a huge breath
6. Articulating properly what I need without minimising / missing something / apologising
7. Accepting with grace the offer of help without feeling like disappearing / selfish / awful.
8. Alternatively, being ok with a refusal without it being the end of the world or feeling that there is nothing I can do about it and that I will never get what I need, ever. Being able to see another alternative
9. Feeling ok about the whole thing and moving on

Phew… no wonder I don’t do that often!! But I want to learn how to ease the process and create something for myself in my life without struggling on my own all the time, by including others, letting them be there for me and by learning how to be there for them too.

This also means asking rather than playing the victim and asking rather than waiting for the other to guess what I need!!