be happy

I really think I’ve finally done it. The first time I felt actual happiness toward the end of my bout of depression felt amazing, then there were a few less amazing experiences. After that I kinda hit a just plain neutral phase. Now, though, I really am happy. I had been holding some things in, but I think some of fit came out when I finally told my boyfriend, now fiance, that I love him. Just the thought of being able to be with him every day makes me happy. And there are so many other things now that I am happy with. It’s a good feeling. Good luck, everyone!

Oh, and reading some of the other entries I thought of some things I wanted to say. Happiness isn’t a constant. You can’t, and shouldn’t, be constantly happy. Stuff is going to happen to you in life that you can’t control. There will be some tears. It’s those moments, though, that make happiness what it is meant to be. Those moments make happiness so much stronger. That initial moment of happiness while I was depressed was so incredible I almost cried. It was like an emotional, physical, and spiritual high that I can’t think of any other way to explain. Forgive yourself for the junk you’ve done in life. Forgive others. Love freely.

The past few weeks I’ve been a lot happier than before. I’m also getting more easily irritated, but I won’t dampen the happier part. I think it’s because dancing is my passion; it lets me get stuff out. I hadn’t been dancing much, but last weekend I went to two dances, and then one tonight. They were so much fun, and they make me feel good.

It’s cool. I really like the feeling, and I hope I get it more often. The things that make me happiest in life are singing, dancing, and being around my amazing friends. Being able to express my emotions when I sing and dance is such a relief. I just got back from a Chamber Choir retreat where we stayed at a little church and got to know eachother and sang and sang and sang. It was a wonderful feeling. We also had a little ballroom dancing lesson there, so that made it even better. And tonight I’m going to my dance class. Oh, wonderful!

I sing, and when I dance. Maybe if I find out all of the things that make me happy, I can try to be around them more and keep the other junk away.