be a better sister

my sister told me the other day that I was her hero. I was totally taken aback by that, it was just amazing to hear. She’s 2 years older than me and has always been looking down on me and the choices I’ve made in my life. In the past few years though, she’s made her own choices and started to appreciate who I am, despite what bad decisions I’ve made, and how I’ve overcome them. We don’t talk that often, and I don’t think we’ll ever be the best of friends, but she’s my sister, we don’t hate each other, there’s only some resentment on either of our parts, which we’re working on, and I adore her little daughter.

Tomorrow I’m taking my niece and watching her for a bit in the afternoon, and then my mom is going to watch the baby as Ang and I go to dinner and then to a movie or whatever we decide to do. Just a little sister bonding time. It should be good.

sis had the baby and she’s moving in for a few weeks. This means I have to try and be nice to her and work on our relationship while I’m trying not to go crazy from my insomnia intensified from a newborn baby crying all the time. Thank the Lord I have a job to escape to on weekedays…
I feel like I’m the Prodigal Son’s (Daughter’s) brother (sister). I mean, Ang does whatever the hell she wants, whenever she wants, and now, she’s getting everything our parents can give her. Example: mom cooks on Saturdays. She works all week and has Saturday off, so she cooks a family dinner. Now, she’s taking the next few weeks off to help Ang (while she’s too tired to stay up and talk to me about my problems for 1/2 hour every once in a while) with the baby-ok I can understand that- but she’s talking about cooking every night just because Ang is home for a while. It’s not fair! I mean, I’m home all the time, doing what I should do, and nobody gives a rat’s ass, because it’s expected of me. But Angela, nobody expects anything from her and when she comes home for a little while, everyone just gives her anything she wants. Mom and I even cleaned her room yesterday in preparation.
OK, I have jealousy issues I need to get over/ work through, but she is a grown woman and a mom now, she needs to stop expecting everyone to cater to her every whim.

she’s pregnant and keeps thinking of herself instead of her baby and I just want to throttle her whenever we talk because she’s being such a moron and the baby needs her, can’t she see that? But she won’t listen to a word I say, no matter what, and I can’t seem to stop being upset about this long enough to have a decent conversation with her.

this is practically impossible in my situation. I have an older sister who is COMPLETELY self-absorbed and when I want to have a better relationship with her and talk to her, she just drones on and on about how her friends did this or her boyfriend said that. I don’t have patience for that, that’s why I am not Miss Popularity. I want to have a real relationship with my sister before it’s too late- I’m leaving for school in a year or less and she’s gonna have a baby (which i know will change her perspactive). I want that relationship, but it seems impossible.