trust God

with the youth group from my church (I went as a leader, despite the fact that I’m still fairly close in age to some of them, and am easily good friends with a lot of the kids who went that I was in charge of). I could feel God’s presence there so strongly. A lot of things were revealed to me this weekend that was simply amazing, moreso after some conversations I’ve had with people after coming back home.
Anyways, god and I had a definite conversation in which He told me to give some stuff up to Him and I did. I feel sooo much better now, there’s no comparison. I still have to work to see some of the things come to fruition, but the worry about what will happen is gone. For possibly the first time in my LIFE, I’m just totally trusting God. It is great!

At the evening service at my church tonight, this was touched on. It was like he was talking straight to me, actually. He said that if something doesn’t change after you try a bunch of things, it’s probably because you’re unwilling to let God have control and give it up. Ouch. That’s pretty much hitting the nail on the head. It’s like I’m at war with myself. Part of me wants to give stuff up to God and trust Him with it, but part of me wants to stay in control, to keep holding on to my problems. I realize how stupid it is, but it’s how I am. I want to be in charge and I’m afraid that if I trust God with stuff, He’ll want more that I don’t want to give… I think that’s really it. I don’t want to give more than it conveniences me, and I know that if I listen, He has big plans for me that I don’t know if I’m ready for… It’s all about me… Am I pathetic or just stupid?

is rejection. Particularly by those I love or hold in high esteem. It’s happened before, it’ll probably happen again. So, what I’ve done, is I stopped trusting. People, and God. That way, they couldn’t hurt me by rejecting me, if I didn’t let them know me. Realizing how incredibly dumb that is, I’m trying to change my actions and ways of thinking (and boy is it hard to change the way you think!) but it’s still hard. I’m trying though, because I know how much better everything will be when i’m back in a REAL relationship with God.