Heal my outer surroundings to bring peace to my inner world

The bedroom is clean.

We have started phase one : The Bedroom

It’s not so bad once you get started… but then I haven’t gotten to the closet yet…

Rambling a bit, it’s late, and I’ve already taken my meds (sleeping pills, gotta love them)... so bare with me.

I have the view of myself in my head…

I am strong.

I am breathtaking beautiful.

I am tough.

I am also kind, wise, a true free spirit. Artistic and wise, full of good advice and humor. A crazy hippie chick with her eyes full of stars… I am those things.

In this magical land of 43Things I am all those things and more. I am the words I choose to put in here, and I find that so refreshing and powerful. To find yourself and share those words with others. I get to dive into poetry and kindness. I really get to stretch my skin/heart and see how far I can go.

Most of my goals are of a whimsical nature, magical. I like being whimsical and vague, a little bit mysterious.

But…

there is something that needs changing, bad. It’s needed to be done for a while now. I’m at a point where I think I can tackle it. But you see, I just couldn’t put “Clean my house” as a goal. I just couldn’t do it, I tried. “Heal outer surroundings…” sounds so much more worthy of a goal, even though it means the same thing. It was would be nice I didn’t have to do everything dramatically. But then, I have a flare for it. : )

The goal, “Clean my house” is too plain to me. But that is what this goal is just with a fancier title. The house in it current state is bringing everyone down. It’s really effecting my mood, how a feel about being a mother, and my friendship/relationship with my husband.

How I feel about the house has a lot to do with how I am doing emotionally. When I moved in it was his house, the one he shared with this ex. I am a very introverted person from a large family and it took me years to niche out a little space of my own, where I felt completely happy and safe. Then, that darn man goes and marries me and takes me to a whole house. A HOUSE! I’ve lived out a single room for years, MY ROOM. This house is not mine, these things are not mine. I didn’t know what do to. I did my best I could, doing the littlest I could. I was depressed which caused clutter and chaos. The clutter and chaos fueled the depression… on and on and down it goes… And well, we’ve been married over three years, I think it’s time I starting marking my territory. My soul needs a good hard scrub down, so it’s time to heal these surroundings.

It is time to take a stand.