be deliciously, and madly, and crazy, and fully happy with who I am (and share that with others)

I am a:

Woman, a child, a girl, a wife, a lover, a friend, a wild one, crazy, a fighter, a loner, a lover of/in love with – everything, a big tomboy, a stranger, a dancer, a artist, a daughter…

and now I am also a mother.

I have been having a harder time then most fitting into this new role. It is tight and loose at odd angles. It doesn’t fit like I thought it would. I always knew that one day I would be a mother… or hoped. And now the day has come. I am a mother of two wonders. Who decided this twin thing?? Who’s idea was this?? It wasn’t me… I think maybe someone wanted to REALLY teach me a lesson… or I just to had too much love in me that when we joined together instead of one there was two made.

But, of being truly deliciously, madly, crazy, and fully happy with who I am I need to embrace ALL of me. And I embrace the fact that I’m a little unsure on my feet as a mother, a little wobbly. I EMBRACE it. And I embrace the fact that I am a mother… even though it doesn’t fit, I’m still one.

Crazy Straws!!! In a pack of 36! : ) Oh the joy. There is nothing I can do to make me feel more free, happy, and totally myself then drinking out of a crazy straw!

I have many. Anyone want one?

Last night it rained and rained and rained. I grabbed my sister who was sitting by the door and ran out into it. It was about midnight and we jumped in the puddles laughing like 3-year-olds. My two younger sisters came out and joined the fun. The rain hit us hard and was cold and we danced and danced. We smelled wet trees and watched how the light from the windows hit the puddles. I when down on my hands and knees to find worms and snails. I found many. The first snail I found I named Sam. And the first worm I found I named Par. They were planing a party. We then sat on our porch laughing our butts off, eating mint chocolate chip ice cream right out of the carton with four spoons.

There was one point in the middle of a dance step that I said to myself… “I’m 25 and I’m doing this?” But then I erased that thought and danced like the ageless spirit I am!

and… I LOVE my sisters!

...but not for all of today, just a small part of it, but that part made up the difference, big time. It’s been a hard day. There where many stresses, and it just seemed to drag on… and then some, and add 10 minutes. Then I had a meeting after work, which grrr… just makes the day even longer. - But then something magic happened, something just, shifted… I was sitting there, and I realized, I’m sitting with women that I love and admire, I have a fantastic job that I love… (even if I say I don’t sometimes, even if I said it today), I was in a meeting talking about something that I am passionate about, which is teaching young children. And I have a great loving boyfriend… who I really miss today. (Yeah, I’m sappy… but I get to missing him if I haven’t seen him within a 24 hour period of time. Sap.) I also got to witness a breathtaking beautiful sunset on the way home. The weather has been real bummy these last couple of days, and today, yucky snow… so I was trying my best to make it home alive and I just happen to look up and see this sunset, and it made me gasp. The sun was just about to go down and you could just spy it below heavy dark clouds. It looked like a giant perfectly pink-orange peach, it’s juices spilling over the sky in a warm pink glow.

Beautiful thing to be alive today.

One year ago today I was scarred for life.

One year ago today I had let someone cut me open.

One year ago today I found myself in a hospital bed.

One year ago today I was in more pain in the world.

One year ago today I realized how many people truly loved me.

One year ago today you where by my side, and you still are today.

I celebrate today fiercely. I celebrate love, and life, and who I am. I celabate each moment that I have lived with fire and spirit.

Celabate today…. for you are all alive!

: )

Within a world of hate and pain, I find a moment to smile and laugh. I choose to live my life in a way that might spread happiness instead of meanness, joy instead of sorrow, life instead of death… all within my smile.

I truly believe that life is a gift, a beauty to behold. Hate, sin, and pain only come in if we let them.

So smile, shine, be yourself and choose life!... and eat dum-dums! : )

So tonight I did henna on my left calf, drank sparkling cider out of my new Care Bear sippy cup, danced barefoot in the fresh fallen snow, took black and white pictures, had a hot bath with wonderful smelling bath oil, read a chapter in my richy delicious book by Patricia McKillip, and was very happy…

the freedom to be yourself is there for everyone… don’t be afraid.

Do you ever feel so happy with yourself when you open your eyes, or hear a song, or watch a raindrop fall, that you want to sing, dance, laugh, and cry all at once? All wrapped up in one moment? That you want to smile with your whole body???

That I want to share, I long to share… I want to be able to share that feeling, and feel it all the time… (not just once a week or once a day.) I want others to taste this happiness, it’s pure sweetness. But I don’t have the skills to put it into words or actions. I hope to be able to share it, to find a way. Or maybe one day be able to share it by simply touching someone. Or have them feel it by looking into my eyes.

I really want to find a way to fulfill this goal, even if it takes my whole life.