Laughter and Sadness

A boy came out of the cloakroom carrying his coat yesterday. He said this looks like my coat and it was on my peg but it has someone else’s name sewn into it; which I don’t recognise. I took it to check and had to stifle a giggle as I read the name, it read ‘George’ which is a brand name for the supermarket Asda… Such sincere cuteness and so funny, couldn’t help but laugh :)

Cleared out some stuff this week and came across documents relating to my brother’s death in 1995… I started to look through it and it made me catch my breath a little… We put things away don’t we? And then wham… Andy died in violent circumstances walking home from the pub in Hackney… He was attacked by two men either due to a road rage incident (car poss almost knocked him over causing Andy to say something) or he was mugged. Anyway to cut a long story short, he was beaten up, resulting in a ruptured spleen. We had to fight to get the truth of that night from the police; due to the poss negligence of attending officers and so I ended up with post Mortem results, witness and police statements, etc. Just reading it was quite upsetting, long time ago but still painful, I find. Anyway our fight did get an open verdict rather than the accidental death police were hoping for. Nobody has ever been charged with Andy’s death and to be honest I don’t have any strong feelings about that… Such is life and I have never felt that it was the intention of those guys to kill him… But responsibility does lie at their door and they have to live with it. Funny thing is Andy was a guy living on a Hackney council estate and the police were not seemingly bothered about his death, just another statistic as far as they were concerned. A few days after his death a well off woman (not from the area) was mugged near where Andy died and police did door to door enquiries for that!!! However, my brother had great friends, they funded and made posters/flyers that they put up and through doors asking people to come forward with any info. I am glad they cared and I really hope that he knew how much they cared about him, we had a disturbing childhood to say the least and I know that he often felt sad and frustrated because of that… As said, such is life…

the fairy tale ‘The Magic Porridge pot’ by the Brother’s Grimm? A little girl was given the pot because she and her mother were hungry with no money for food. The pot provided them with sweet porridge when the girl said “cook little pot, cook.” Well I have something similar to the porridge pot in my house, it’s called the washing basket, there is a never ending source of washing in it every day… ;)

last night through both laughter and tears… There is so much injustice in the world, why should anyone in this day and age die from malnutrition??? There is absolutely no justification for it at all. Human beings, dieing from such a wide range of illnesses which in the West are preventable/curable. Such suffering happening that just shouldn’t be… Makes me grateful for what I have…

Standing in the shop trying to find a suitable card for Mother’s day stirred some negative emotions for me. It often takes me ages to pick one because A, it has to be the right pic and B, because of the wording on the card. I am not able to go for the ‘wonderful mother’ or ‘love you so much’ kind as these words are not true for me. Anyway couldn’t find the right one so ended up with a blank card and adding my own message ‘have a lovely mother’s day’. Do not like how this has stirred up stuff for me but know that it is a nudge to let me know that it has not been dealt with yet and that it will continue to remind me until I sit down and work on it. Oh well… :/

to those who replied to my post on my marriage. I felt somewhat exposed and self ~ conscious about it so decided to delete it… This is my way of replying to your comments and I want you to know that I really appreciate the care and concern that was shown. So a BIG THANK YOU to you all… Namaste :)

was going to be good when the sign at the entrance said ’ It’s never too late to have a happy childhood’... ;)

steals any chance of happiness in life…

Yesterday was the anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings… My thoughts and heart go out to all affected by the tragic events of that day when 4 men decided to detonate bombs on London transport. 52 died and many more were injured but the ripple effect and impact on the survivors, families and friends involved (including their own) would be enormous… Whatever the sense of justification felt by those who committed these acts, violence is never the answer…

covers the cracks of life… It is interesting that many who know me do not know me but that is as I like it…