take care of myself--eat right, sleep, exercise

I was having a real struggle with anorexia
I can safely say I have beaten that issue :D

I was kind afraid to admit that, or say , write that for awhile
as if, if I did it would, somehow, backfire and cause me to stop eating again… but to many things have happened in the last few weeks to show me that that just isn’t so.
normally when I have major problem and stress, food is the first thing to go… I stop eating. But these last few weeks have been filled with stress and I haven’t even thought of “shutting down”

as for the exercise and sleep part of the goal
I use to over exercise (run hour a day)... part of anorexia
but I have a problem with the ligament in my foot has kept me from running at all… I can barely walk at times
so i need to work on this now

and my sleep I always have to watch with my job

so this is now an active goal… in a very different way

I have the sleep part down

I know I should eat something
but I just don’t feel like it

I haven’t been able to do this much lately.
not since three months ago when all these health problems started.
Now five surgery’s later,
I’m sure there is no way I could run my five miles,
or even do more then a few push ups.

I had wanted to start a goal of doing 100 push ups
before I got sick, and I think I am well enough to start getting back in shape now…
hopefully I wont overdo it.

I see a major difference
in my attitude,and even in how I feel physically
when I spend the time I should devouring The Word

My hubby just told me that if I didn’t stop losing weight, that he wouldn’t like it/me anymore…he would still and always love me, but he wouldn’t like me (physically)

I think this had the opposite effect then my husband was trying for.
why does something like this, throw me for a loop?
now I have to fight shutting down all over again

Edit ... back under control now

I think it would be safer to close my eyes
and wake up on the other side of christmas

one of the first things I do when I get stressed, when I get upset, is to shut down … to close off the feelings and the hurt. To shut the door, and somehow that involves eating too … I’m not sure why, but the two seem to go together for me
I can’t let that happen … but I’m right on the edge

With all that has been going on in my life the last few days, this has been the last thing on my mind.
Time to re-group. Start eating and sleeping again.
The running never stops…but this time I wont be running to get away.