stop being so angry

Stop being so angry, How about stop being so bitter? & how about my mom, start reading this.

‘They’ say we end up like our parents, shit, I hope not. {Who are the {they people} anyway?}

My mom, is never happy with anything, WHY? It’s her own fault I mean really. Anger, resentment, grudges, and a bad attitude get you where? Um… a seat next to my mom. No thanks, I have sat by her long enough.
Not saying that I don’t love her, not saying that I am ditching her.
I AM saying is that I am tired of hearing how her days are so shitty and how her life sucks so badly and how her husband doesn’t love her, and bitch; bitch. II can only hear so much till I do not want to answer my phone.

Mother’s day was just here, and yea I bought her something, her ungrateful ass.
Then among her bitching I heard her saying how she needed to wash her car, well the few things she enjoys in life, I figured I would get her something to help her clean it. Like some auto wash or something. Well I found this Mr. Clean car thingy, I thought was real cool, I bought the refills needed for it too, AND they were all on sale.

Even sweeter. Ok, I brought it over and sure enough, she already has one. Ok that’s fine, gave her the receipt she can take it back and get more refills or something.
That wasn’t that big of a deal. Like I said she likes washing her car, so it was a good chance she saw the car cleaning thingy…..ok here it gets better.

It took me like 20-25 minutes to pick out this card, that wasn’t super cheesy and wasn’t fake or lame.

So all the thought and time that went into it. She looks at it, and was like ‘oh yea that’s a bunch of BS’

I looked at her and in front of both my kids my sister and, my niece, I said FUCK YOU.! And walked in the other room, with the baby {my niece}. Now mind you this IS her house. She seriously hurt my feelings, I didn’t know what to get her, and I always try to find the RIGHT card. And this time it was sweet and to the point of how I feel over all about her, and throughout the years, respect and understand. Bla; bla so she just dismissed it, and my feelings like ‘whatever’

Kinda makes me wanna get her something for her b-day next month. Her 50th.

why should I stop? it gives me motivation to get things done. laundry dishes cleaning. these things get done with pent up frustration and this anger. if put to good use.
now, when I get pissed with driving. no, that’s not good. and then I yell, people have a greater chance of getting hurt.
A stressed out day at work…I take it out on those around me. which is of course not fair and hurtful
that is when it becomes a problem. so middle ground. where is it? how many meds do I need to take?
How much can I take of life before I am ready to give back?
What is it about Amy that makes her so angry?

Nah.
upset? sure, mad? oh a little, pissed? not yet.

Why well I wish my fun loving wonderful sweet BF would get a JOB, and stop making excuses, but no I am not angry.
just pissed.

so today I will. this is my second week school and I am still smiling. the kids bug me, but I just figured that I have to get up earlier and go to class early to get any homework done there. if I do it nite, its all lost by morning anyway. and reading makes me very tired, I was never like that before, now it just knocks me out…....
I haven’t the time to be angry. between work and school and the kids I don’t really don’t think about it. its the best thing for me really!

I woke up just wanting to get things done, cleaning up dishes, running around, banking blah blah. can no one help? can no one go away. I don’t know what if anything in particular set me off today? but I have been just on edge. frustrated. I want to scream —-—> LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY!<-—-——but no one will listen, so I take my daughter shopping, we found some nice jeans for her, and a cute skirt for me! love the re-sale stores! I went to work early just to get away! thanks to my boss giving me the key! I am in no hurry to go home.

good, I haven’t wanted to beat anyone, except fo rthat guy who was riding my bumper the other day, so I just drove S L O W E R (#^@* U buddy) anywa, my family loves me they are happy and I am happy, this thought came across my mind? wouldn’t it be wierd if the meds are really a suger pill? and it’s just in my head? well crazy toughts I know but, I don’t want to stop taking it just to find out, but I am glad that is it this way now, I hope it lasts long enough where some time I can be with out them…..?

I have been more and more mean, vindictive, hurtful spiteful towards my boyfriend, he doesn’t desrve it and I know it’s me but how do I stop, he is such a great guy, caring understanding, loving, good for me, HOW DO I GO BACK TO BEING GOOD FOR HIM?