accept good things and people in my life and know that it's ok

the BF changed jobs AGAIN. I know he is having some mid life thing, he is trying to find his spot in life. somewhere. his mood rubs off on me, and I don’t try to cheer him up, or change his mood, I can’t cater to him every second, he is such a big kid. my kids are the same, my son is needy he wants mommy and son time, he likes it when I read capt underpants books, time doesn’t allow ALOT of time. my daughter, shes a brat. I don’t know what to do with this one.

there are some people that I can do without in my life, but I accept them and their role to test me, and try to bring me down, some days they can, but for the most part, they don’t I feel strong enough. My bf has been working a lot, a new schedule, midnites, and that sucks, I want to talk and spend time, like we used to but, I can’t, when I’m up he’s sleeping, and when I sleeping he’s at work…...I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to now, I have been sad, not quite depressed just feeling alone. Other than these feelings School is going well, kids are ok, everything else is ok. I just feel yuck!

everyday.. this weekend as I said in another entry, my weekend was reaaly good. I put myself around positive people and that was nice. my extended family wasn’t there, I like that too, very negative people. this makes life easier to accept good, and by doing that I feel less stress and less anger/rage ahhhh it’s so calm.

I have great kids a great BF, my health…why do I keep this thinking that it’s all going to go wrong, or that I don’t deserve good? I keep waiting for the crash, and life’s BAD things come back!! I want to accept good, like my BF he is good, but I still have Q’s about that, tho latley not as many or as often, I guess we start somewhere…. maybe with this new meds, and getting along better with myself and avoiding the BAD elements in life like mom dad x husband(as much as I can) things are better to accept!