communicate better

I speak well, read well, write, well, minus the typos..I think I that others have the problem not me…I get my words across, just fine. I think that those others need to re think their listening skills.
people I know talk just to hear their own voice. this all poweful voice of wisdom or some shit….fuck u R**. you are not that fucking great. and U ass hole, X I do not need to hear how fucked up my life is going because of you or without you..I’m sorry go play drums. because you ARE so cool.
you cant take care of our kid let alone yourself. so who ar eyou to deal me anything about my life….hey try thi son. um get a thought, be a father, not a play mate. be a man. oh wait too late for me to worry about you. I can change, because I know the difference from being a loser U and being a good person, great mom, awesome lover, thanks =A.C.
I am better than you !so fuck off.

CAN YOU HEAR THAT!

are you listening?

oh, it makes me mad when I cannot have a conversation with my Boyfriend, he is such a big kid. He is so much more important, and whatever he says is right from G-d’s mouth.

whatever, can I say shut the fuck up! who cares!?
I have been patient kind attentive, heart felt, understanding, all that shit, but does that matter? no, I just am there, if it doesn’t have anything he wants to hear or talk about, then he is not there, I mean mentally, so guess, what

as a woman I hate to say this, but if he keeps me at a distance then where am I to go? I love him yes, but WTF talk to me ok but allow me to talk too, and he isn’t that gets me so pissed, I withhold my self from him then. and maybe that is wrong, but I as a woman feel less and think more like—-if he really cared thatn he would listen, and talking is two ways, not just one,
does he even think I can talk? and it’s not that he has something major to talk about, it’s the most stupid things.
I want to talk about whatever, but come on how does so&so’s job effect me? so what if Brian is moving to FL? how does this effect us? which one is Brian? oh

talking to myself is the best way to go lately, no one to agrue with no other views, I look crazy no one wants to talk to me or steal from me, and actually people walk away from my area? did I say something wrong?

and such shitty days????? this weekend, well one day was shitty the other wan’t so one for one. not that bad.
Friday nite, my boss gave me a surprze, x-mas bonus, well that was unexpected, but really nice.
not really EXTRA money, cause it just goes towards bills.
but it was nice. the kids watched a movie, inbetween building a fort in my front room.
saturday was ok, I got to sleep in, we all did. that was nice. the kids ended up going to the x husbans house for awhile, we went to this stupid ass conferaence about how government grants can be for everyone, well with 1000. dollars, anyway. what a waste of 3 1/2 hours, but he wanted to go, and was very upset that I didn’t want to, and very mean to me about it, saying how he ALWAYS has had to do things alone and is this how the rest of his life is gonna be, I said that wasn’t fair bc he isn’t alone, and I csaid we could just go to the library and look online, but why listen to me? I don’t know.so he doesn’t like driving with me just like I don’t like drving with him , but if I was gonna go, I am driving.
He yelled somemore, and I was really emotional (of course), so I threw my boots down the stairs, cuz I wan’t going, not like this. anyway, so long story short, we went, I drove, it sucked, it was just like I said, but I didnt say that to him, he said he was sorry, and we went to get the kids and had dinner.
I told him, we have a week off from work and school then we can go to the library and do some research.
I’m sure somewhere they have info on grants for homes, and what not, that I don’t have to spend a flippin; grand on.

we had a good nite, sunday the kids were home watching blade 3 (bad mom) but I waent shopping, btw, don’t go food shopping when your hungry, to many munchies.

we had a shower and tucked the kids in bed, and went to sleep in each others arms.
the end.

I can’t explain how I feel, and then when i do say whats on my mind, I get frustrated with myself, and then him, and it seems like I am losing myself all over again. he doesn’t want me on meds, and I am feeling resentful, and I want his support regardless, and he can’tunderstand HWY I need somehting. I can’t explain myself enough, and then I cry becasue he isn’t understading, and then he gets mad, because I am upset, well not really mad, just bothered.

this is not so great this weekend, I admit I was flying off the handle, my moods would change at the drop of a hat, why? he has been OK, the kids were gone at their dad’s on saturday nite, but I have been getting so pissed at the lack of help I have been getting. dishes cleaning up taking the garbage bag when it’s too full out and put a new one in, (is that hard?) these are just of few of the things that get to me.
how can I calmly talk without sounding like a smart ass, or some nagging bitch?

I did have a nice long(2 page) letter from him saying how mean I have been and whatever else he hasn’t liked this weekend, should I just write him too, telling him how I am feeling?

about how we don’t talk, like we used to, will for one we have different schedules, and I am at work when he is home, and the I have school while he is at work. so in between him and the kids, we can’t have a meaningful conversation. but things have been a little better, I know we don’t have the time so I am trying harder to just get to the point and not so much story, if he asks then I fill in the details more, and he does,sometimes, but seems to interupt a lot, I think so he can get his point out before the kids come in or he forgets? Or maybe he just thinks he’s more important?
but so far things are ok. today anyway:)

right? unless the other is asleep? I talk to him when he is just about ready to doze, I think he will retain th info more? who knows, maybe I just talk to talk? and doing so when he is sleeping makes me feel that I am not crazy and talking to myself. :)

and then of course the bad days.This wekend was a good really good weekend. We got along so well, the kids were gone this weekend, my mom watched ‘em. that was nice. so we had a nice weekend talking watching movies, laying around sleeping in. ah.

It was just on the phone, But it was meaningful. I had no time to cuddle this morning, but the quickie was ok,(a women has needs too) So I called him up on the phone and we talked like teens on the phone at nite. It was good, our schedules conflict, and I don’t get as much time with him anymore, so I just needed to feel connected. even if it was on the phone… I have never looked forwward to the weekend. our plans to watch the devils rejects.