stop hating myself

Dating or the absence of it in my life has caused me much insecurity. I felt (probably still do a little) that my life was/is grossly deficient because I never dated in high school. It wasn’t my choice :( I feel it now because, the mistakes I’m making now, I should have made them in high school when nobody was looking for a life partner.

(not in any particular order) Any self-hate is wrong, right?

1.Eating poorly-making food choices solely upon convenience,binge eating, not listening to my body or my conscience.
2.Not exercising-no physical activity whatsoever;up to 80% of my day is spent sitting or lying down, the rest of the time I’m actively thinking of ways to reduce any exertion.
**I thought I’d self-destruct by 1&2 alone, apparently it takes a while.(self-destruction is no longer my goal!)
3.Skipping showers.
4.Poor dental hygiene.
5.Not making an effort to be organized.
6.Being a doormat in romantic relationships(as well as in other relationships.)
7.Neglecting my finances.
8.Procrastinating

Stop it, self!

There’s more I’m sure, but too much introspection will overwhelm me.

I just realized that I hate myself the most when I compare my achievements with those who are my age or younger. Even when their situation is “worse” than mine is, I can quickly postulate a factor that makes them more noble,successful,responsible, etc. than I am. Subconsciously,I’ve been trying to compete with them because they obviously know something I don’t and I’m the one who’s got it all wrong. I should compete more with myself than with others.