Lose 20 pounds

binged again, start the GM diet tomorrow, I’m getting deserpate…

Been rough, binged again last night.

Today:
Breakfast – grapenuts cereal with skim milk
Lunch – grapenuts with skim milk and some cottage cheese
Snack – banana
Dinner – blackened salmon, broccoli, wheat pasta w/ olive oil and cilantro, low fat strawberry yogurt
Then a couple of pieces of cereal

So today wasn’t that bad, still could of been better, I haven’t worked out and now I have zero motivation to work out. This all just feels so hopeless.

After I completely lost control of my eating yesterday I tried harder today, unfortunately that didn’t work out so well. I started out the day good, had some raisin bran with skim milk. Then we went to my grandma’s birthday party…which I ate some shredded chicken, without the bun, some baked beans, pasta salad, and a veggie five bean salad. All in all it wasn’t too bad, but then I came home and ate some cake and a lemon bar :( I managed not to eat any at the party, but then we came home and I couldn’t help myself. Oh and I also had some low fat strawberry yogurt. And I didn’t workout. Wow, writing this all out it sounds horrible. I really wasn’t that bad today, but I need to try harder tomorrow and the next day, and the next day…This is depressing. I just want to lose weight and be happy with myself, but I’m not sure how to balance out food with my life. I have the biggest sweet tooth ever and I LOVE sweets, I have the biggest sweet tooth ever. Maybe if I manage to control my portion size I’ll be allowed to work in deserts. Just 10 more pounds, 10 more pounds.

I had a bad day today, I don’t even want to talk about it. This past week really hasn’t been that great for me. Little exercizing and over-eating. I binged today. HAVE to do better tomorrow, like seriously. I even ate ice cream today, on top of many things. If I could control the portion size it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but once I mess up I think “screw it” and then I eat just about everything in sight. Must do better tomorrow. I can lose these last 10 pounds, I just need to stay positive and think in realistic terms.

Yuck…

I ate Special K with skim milk and carb control strawberry yogurt this morning for breakfast, then around 10 had a special K bar. And then I messed up, I was babysitting and I forgot to pack my own lunch so I had to eat macaroni and cheese with the kids. I even looked through their house for any cereal to eat for lunch, but I couldn’t find any. I also had a banana for lunch. So now I can only eat cereal for dinner :( I don’t feel very well though, my stomach hurts. I think it is because of the stupid macaroni and cheese, I haven’t eaten a meal with that much cheese in a long time.

I didn’t end up working out last night, old habits die hard. So I HAVE to work out tonight. I’m just so angry about what I had to eat for lunch today, it just kinda sucks, because if I’m going to break my diet I don’t want it to be on Kraft macaroni and cheese, I want it to be something good! lol. Losing weight has been pretty hard, I’m just not sure if my body can even lose 10 more pounds, which sucks. I still feel pretty big and my body type sucks.

I came home today and I didn’t eat as bad as I thought I would. Though I did drink a lot and I had beer so that’s a lot of extra calories. Yesterday I had one bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with almonds and skim milk, low fat peach yogurt, a banana, 6 inch sub from subway (turkey on wheat with cucumbers, green peppers, and honey mustard). BUT I did have a small scoop of vanilla ice cream and a giant piece of lemon cake, made from scratch by my friend’s mom. Let me tell you it was the best piece of birthday cake I have ever had. So that means I’m not allowed to have any more desert in the month of August, but it was worth it. Too bad I drank so much :( I had a strawberry margarita, 2 shots? and beer on Monday night. Then last night I drank around 3 and a half beers and some of a fishbowl. I didn’t have any drunk food though!!! Which is absolutely amazing because I was craving pizza the whole entire time.

Today:
Woke up late, didn’t really eat breakfast
Lunch- Honey Bunches of Oats with almonds and skim milk, kind of like my breakfast
Dinner- low fat strawberry yogurt, sugar free lime gelatin, wheat bread, turkey, one piece of turkey bacon, lettuce, mozzarella cheese, mustard, and a veggie salad with cilantro, avocado, green peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, and jalapenos
Snack- scoop of reduced fat peanut butter

I still need to work out, but all in all I didn’t do too badly.

AHHHHHHHHHHH
I eat too much and the next couple of days are going to get rough. I don’t have time to work out today and it makes me feel like a big fat cow. I’m heading down to visit one of my friends because she turns 21 tomorrow, so that means lots of drinking, cake and probably drunk food :( I’m really hoping I can pull off a miracle and not overdue it these next two days. My friends and boyfriend don’t really understand my diet and will try to get me to eat bad food.

Today:
Breakfast- Special K bar
Lunch- Low fat yogurt, peach, Special K cereal
Snack- Special K bar
Dinner- Kashi frozen meal, reduced fat peanut butter, sugar free gelatin and some cinnamon mini-wheats

I suck at being on a diet, seriously. Once I start eating I just can’t stop. Lets hope these diet pills are working because I obviously have no will power. I didn’t even work out…I feel horrible about myself AND I still have a ton of calories a head of me today from drinking. I know I’m going to drink a lot, so there isn’t even any point in trying to limit it. I’ll have margaritas for sure, maybe some vodka and cranberry? Hopefully not very much beer, or coke and rum…I gave up pop.

Sorry I’m so negative, it’s just been a rough couple of days, I hope I can get back to my normal self again.

Today was rough, I did my best. I just wish I didn’t have such intense cravings for food. I am in love with food, I think I may be obsessed, I just can never stop eating.

I worked out a lot today, over an hour, I should try and do and hour everyday. I’m good about doing cardio, but not about strength training. I’m so worried that I’m doing all of this for nothing, what happens if I don’t lose any weight? I’ll be devastated, I mean, I HAVE to lose weight…I can’t take looking like this anymore.

Today
Breakfast: Special K with skim milk and low fat strawberry yogurt
Lunch: BIG lunch, my dad took me and my brothers out to my favorite restaurant. I had chicken fajitas. I only ate one tortilla and not even the whole thing. I ate some Mexican rice, didn’t finish the portion though, some beans, guacamole (I know, lots of fat), tomatoes, lettuce, green peppers, onions, chicken and salsa. I know, it was a lot. BUT I did manage not to have a single chip and salsa before my meal, which took a lot of self control. I also didn’t eat any of the cheese or sour cream, which I love.
Snack: Spoon of reduced fat peanut butter
Dinner: Special K with skim milk and three dried apricots, also had some more peanut butter. Peanut butter will be the death of me, it is my Achilles heal of food. And now I have a stomach ache from all of the peanut butter :(

So yeah…I ate a lot. I’ve been really down on myself lately. I’m trying to stay positive, but in my head I just keep on thinking about how fat I look and my low self-esteem. My family isn’t happy about me wanting to lose any more weight and neither is my boyfriend, they just don’t understand. I wish people could just be supportive of me and try to understand what I see in the mirror.

God I need this, but I’m trying to be realistic. I only have 10 more pounds to go… hopefully in two months?

I just cheated a little bit, I had about 4 more dried apricots and then some sugar free lime gelatin. I guess it could of been a lot worse, but STILL I should’ve just stopped eating and gone to sleep. I’ll just have to try harder tomorrow and eat more foods that stop my hunger and cravings.

All I want is food, I’m becoming obsessed, lol. But unfortunately if I want to ever reach this goal I’m not allowed to eat anymore today.

Grapenuts with skim milk (had a lot though)
banana
low-fat strawberry yogurt
Special K bar
scoop of reduced fat peanut butter
side salad (celery, carrots, lettuce) with 10 calories of dressing
whole wheat penne pasta with red sauce and sausage
two dried apricots

I feel like I’ve eaten all day and still just want more food, this is horrible. It’s putting me in a bad mood too. All I can think about is food, but I know if I eat anything I’m just going to feel bad about myself. I already exercized today, maybe I should go on a run or something to get my mind off of eating.