kiss someone after midnight on new years

...but i really want it to mean something, so i rejected him at least times after midnight.

dumped the boyfriend a couple weeks back which means another opportunity elapsed for this.

ooooooh well.

...as i have someone to kiss. my boyfriend. now i’m afraid i’ve jinxed it. knock on wood.

glad it didn’t work out, now.

better as friends. sometimes i like someone for the wrong reasons, and i’m pretty sure we don’t, won’t ever, make sense. i was upset at first, but now i feel kinda free.

still need to reach this goal, though!

i couldn’t get to him, he couldn’t get to me. bad luck.

but the night before he said, “there’s always next year.”

he didn’t get the letter, but i asked him one night when he called.

he said yes.

and now? i have to figure out how to get to him as my car broke down.

gotta figure it out, though, just gotta.

i actually just stuck a letter in the mail to the guy i have a thing for about wanting him to be my new year’s kiss.

why a letter? we’re complicated (i could elaborate, but i’ll leave it at that) and long distance and our feelings towards each other are messy.

i was afraid to put him on the spot. i write better than i speak, too, so i was able to more carefully word my feelings about this. and part of it, i’ll be honest, is that there is a middle school girl at the heart of any girl who has a crush.

that having been said, i’d be surprised if he said no without a logical reason that i could follow. i’m a commit-o-phobe and am pretty overwhelmed by my feelings toward him and the expressed mutuality of said feelings. soooooo, really, if he says no, while the middle school girl in me might be a little hurt, the adult in me will cope.

also i’m not cutesy when it comes to this stuff, usually. i feel awkwardly mushy. i don’t like feeling mushy.

but i have been kiss-less on new years. for one reason or another, even when i’ve been involved during the holiday, i have not gotten that ball-drop kiss. for the past six years, i have gone out and seen fireworks with a close, but platonic, friend. so while i’ve gotten a new years’ high five and hug, i haven’t gotten a kiss.

i talked to a friend recently and she said it was no big deal, a new year’s kiss. well, i intend to agree or disprove that statement.