fall in love again

So… I am at that point where I know I can fall for someone. I mean I am at that point where if I met someone I liked and got to know them.. experienced things wit them…. I cold fall madly in love with them. I am ready mentally and phycologically. I know this becase I met someone who I like and I know I could possible fall for them but they are taken and I don’t go for people who are unavailable…. Sigh! oh well… I know there are other people out there… and I just have to keep looking and putting myself out there.
Till then… I will stay open minded.

I suppose I should have little goals for myself on this too. I need to make myself available and go out more. I don’t want to be closed off to meeting people but I am not all that exited about meeting men in bars. It seems like my friends who go out and do meet people in bars don’t meet people of any consequence. As a general rule I don’t really like guys who are much younger than me and I think generally speaking that is all or most of what I will find in bars.

I went on a couple of dates with a very nice guy last year. He was younger and had not done a lot. But he was very bright I just want someone who has at least traveled a bit and experienced the world some.

I am not really sure how to go about this really, but I guess I just need to let things happen naturally.

Ok so everyone is probably been hurt before… and we usaully have those thoughts of never again, I can’t go through this again. I too have that internal dialogue but even when I am having those thoughts perhaps as I am having them… I know deep down that sometime in the future I will be OK and that I will want to meet someone again. I know there will be a moment in which I will be willing to put myselft outhere and be vulnerable again. I don’t know if I am there yet but if I am not I think I am pretty close.

I don’t need to fall in love tomorrow or next week. Besides it takes me a while… I have to get to know someone. I need to make a connection. I simply need to keep myself open to the idea. I need to keep myself opent to meeting someone and most importantly I need to put myself out there.
I have a tendency to become a recluse. I have to be mindful of that.

For the past couple of years I have had a very good excuse for not meeting someone or not being ready to meet someone. My mother got very sick and died. The person I had been dating was being very hurtful (no surprise there, he was always a royal asswhole) and then I lost several friends. Funny how people don’t want to be arround you when things are not going well. Anyway, I then lost another family member whom I was very close to. So… yeah not a good time for romance.

But this year I feel better.

I just have to think positively and put myself out there in order to meet people whom I may possibly conect wiht and fall for even if I could get hurt again.