find a boyfriend

Well, we broke up yesterday. Sorry I have not been writing, btw. I’ve been crazy busy, working two jobs, doing intensive courses, trying to gain and sustain a social life, trying to lose weight, trying to recover files, pictures and information I lost after my computer crashed. After taking a sleeping pill 5 hours ago, I woke up at 4am and can’t sleep anymore with all that is on my mind. I hate breakups! You know, because the last big one almost did me in, I vowed this time to keep it together and take care not to turn against myself. I feel like such a failure, though. I knew the guy was trouble, but I gave it a try anyways. The moment of truth came when we met last Saturday and he was kind of stand-offish with me. When we came back from dinner, he explained that at this point, 3 months into dating a girl, he always gets cold feet and starts to feel a great fear of committment. He said he can’t imagine being with only one girl for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to be exclusive. He’d prefer to stay with me, but pursue other women as well. He wants a casual relationship. We spoke about what we were looking for earlier on and at that time he said he was ready for something serious, but I guess now that the warm weather has arrived and the women in my city are walking around half-dressed, he can’t wait to start hunting again. Sigh. My Dad said that 99% of men prefer to stay in that kind of situation….see whomever they want whenever they want. They don’t want to be tied down…especially with someone my age -38! He told me to look for a 50yr old. It’s so discouraging…particularly that I hear my neighbors upstairs having sex almost every night when I go to bed. Why can’t that be me?

This new guy…is hot-hot-hot-blooded (even though he’s a local)!!! He’s savvy, sensual, and not afraid to take “initiatives”...he’s leading me down a dangerous path of unbridled passion. I barely know him, but I’m so comfortable with him and now he’s got this physical pull on me. I think I’m falling for him because I’m thinking about him all the time…yiiiikes!!!!!!!

I’ve decided to give it a 3 month expiry date because someone this sharp has potential to hurt me real bad…from my okcupid-based assessment of him, he’s either a false messiah or a 5-night stand. He’s a classic, seasoned bad-boy_{and I’m secretly enjoying it}.

here we go again…I went on a second date last night with the guy I met at the excuse for speed-dating night>

http://www.43things.com/comments/thread/427370

We started out at a pool hall (where I foolishly beat him at pool three times in a row.. I tried to lose, honestly, but my balls kept going in!) and at the last minute I invited him to a birthday dinner that one of my “big” older brothers was attending. He handled himself soooo well when meeting my brother and all the other strangers. I’m so proud of him. We had a nice juicy good night kiss to finish off the evening! So far, he’s a charming, funny, talkative, intelligent, easy-going guy. I like him. I hope I don’t screw it up. But then again, a single dad with two young children who doesn’t want more children is not my ideal mate…although he did say he wouldn’t mind me going off and having a child with someone else…

Feng Shui techniques to help achieve this goal…tbc

My latest conquest is a Latino man with Roman fingers...He’s soooooo sensual even when he’s just being “friendly”. According to OKCupid, he’s the “5-night stand” and I’ve decided to accept this and expect nothing more than hot, steamy, unrelenting sex from this man for the brief time we will “be” together. That’s my prediction anyways because he’s soooo appealing sexually that I can’t imagine him not wanting to share himself with any querida that comes a-knockin’. After healing my broken heart, I think I can handle some fun…well, some safe fun, that is…

you find just what you’re looking for. I have a seemingly “fortunate” problem. Most people I meet think I’m much younger that I am. I sometimes talk like I’m in my early 20’s or even teens (so I usually relate well with the younger ilk), I’m often energetic and impressionable (a not uncommon response of mine is a wide-eyed-”WOW!”), I try to dress current, and apparently, like most of us darker-skinned honeys, despite my late-30’s status, I have few wrinkles. So this is a “problem” because men I’m interested in, and who seem interested in me, often lose interest when I tell them my age. Their response is usually surprise and disbelief followed by disappointment.

I had tea with a couple of girlfriends on Friday afternoon explaining this “golden curse” to them and I declared that I guess the best thing for me is to find a guy my own age. The older guys (50+) are too mellowed-out, passé, and stifling for me and the younger guys (34-), I fear, will leave me for a younger girl eventually (I just opened a window on my abandonment insecurities). The “problem” is that I don’t seem to meet and attract guys my own age. I don’t even know what they look like, frankly. I think they’re all hiding in the suburbs.

So, anyways, what is the result of this declaration? I went salsa dancing Friday night and met a hot, interesting, attractive Argentinian man with whom I danced the night away, and who also just happens to be exactly my age!! Yes, he had the typical response when I told him my age, but he was still interested in me. We had a strong chemistry when we were dancing, but the club was too loud to talk and….now, I have a dinner date tonight ;-) !!!!!

The speed-dating event last night turned out to be a dinner with activities: lock-n-key, mystery date, who-am-i?, etc. It sucked!!!! There were way too many women…we didn’t get a chance to sit and talk with every man there. It was overpriced, costing more than twice the usual price! I’m having serious doubts about returning to the events of the organizing company. They were tossing Hershey’s chocolate kisses out to people who answered trivia questions correctly, and a woman got hit in the eye with one. She was so hurt (and probably humiliated) that she decided to leave. I heard that there are other companies in my city that organize speed-dating so I will check them out.

I am a little strange…

I spent a few days feeling sorry for myself, thinking that I’ll never find anyone again because it’s so hard to find a guy that I connect with, that I’m too old to find someone, that everyone thinks I’m such a loser, that I am cursed, etc. And now I’ve finally re-emerged, refreshed with ego intact once again. I have to keep positive, though and acknowledge that I am a catch, continue taking care of myself and enjoying my assets. I just spoke to A+ to arrange to meetup Saturday to make the exchange of the DVDs we lent each other. Soon after he will become a distant memory. If anything, this short moment of suffering has helped me feel even better about the big, bad breakup of last year. Last year was soooo bad, I never thought I’d get over it. I had to completely reconstruct my self-esteem and in doing that I think I m better equipped now to deal with rejection and disappointment. I decided that Mr. Runner-up is too young for me…8 years difference..it’s not like I’m Demi Moore…we are in such a different mind-space, and after being “spoiled” by A+ and my ex with flowers and romantic promise..Mr. Runner Up’s suggestion to “How about we call each other this weekend to see if we’re free” just isn’t going to cut it. I can stay alone for a while, I guess.

So A+ calls on Sunday, and after 40min. I tell him I have to go. I didn’t tell him I was off to Salsa lessons, I just said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.” He said “Oh. Ok, bye.” Then the next day – no phone call, then the day after that – no phone call. So I called him – not that I had to, but he was the one setting the tone calling me everyday. We only spoke for about 20min., but he said he’d call me today. Now here I am like a fool, doing what? Waiting for a phone call. Aaaaargh!!! Another speed-dating guy has been calling too, but we’ve only been talking to each other’s voice-mail…playing phone-tag since Friday. In any case, I’m more interested in Mr. A+. Although, I haven’t had the chance to get to know Mr. Runner-up…I’m calling him now!!