Master my relationship with money

So, I re-discovered the subtotal tab on my Excel spreadsheet, and I’ve begun a new version of my financial record that will keep every line item on one page. I’m stoked about it, too. I’ll be able to sort and subtotal and get a snapshot of my financial health in a moment. The willingness to look at the reality of my situation speaks worlds about the work I’ve done up to this point.

I also have realized that, now that I’m working and being money-conscious, I can actually try to formulate a budget for 2010. The admonition to “plan without planning the results” is in my head as I begin this endeavor. I know I’ll buy at least x amount of cat food, gasoline, groceries, etc, but there will be expenses I hadn’t considered, because that’s life. That’s not a good enough reason not to do the budget. I think this will be a good financial exercise. Maybe I should work in some check to see how I make out by the end of the year?

My epiphany from the other day is very emotion-based, but it relates to finances. My family had some car disasters while I was growing up, so I grew to associate car troubles with my parents’ anger, and as such, the threat of breakdowns makes me feel a great deal of trepidation. It isn’t healthy. My truck has more than 200,000 miles on it, so breakdowns are inevitable, not my fault, and not something to be afraid of. I need to release this fear and have a more pro-active stance on this: my first step was to put a 24-hour towing company phone number in my cell. I’ll think of other things to do in this regard as my mind churns on the topic, but the realization of why I am so torn up about car issues is already unburdening me a great deal.

Something about the week between Christmas and New Year’s makes it a great time for me to ruminate on the year to come, and this seems like an ideal time to work up a budget, so off I go…

So, my big box computer is on the fritz, and my big spreadsheet of daily finances wasn’t coming up with the right balances anymore, and I was out of town, which means my habit of recording all monies spent has fallen by the wayside.

I’ve realized that while there is great value in recording it all, if I don’t know what to do with the information when I get it, one of two things is going on here – 1) I need more education about how to handle the information; what’s the analysis supposed to yield? or 2) The real answers have to do with things I’m not admitting to myself (like just because I’m not an extravagant spender doesn’t mean that I’ve covered all my bases, which I am not and I have not).

So the break is okay. I’ll have to revampt the spreadsheet and enter my backlog of receipts one weekend, but in the meantime, I’m reading a book on personal finance I just got from the library. It may not be the book I end up recommending to people, but it’s a start to get me thinking in terms of big picture finance again. Who knows? Maybe something I read in this book, or the next ones, will spark the thing that helps me revamp the spreadsheet to make it more analytical for me.

I’ve been recording all purchases I make since the end of last year, tallying things in Excel by amount and category and date and location, and there is a wealth of information for me to sift through and analyze – but I don’t know exactly how to go about it. I think it’s time to head to the library and read some more books on budgeting and financial planning, so I can get some ideas about what my spending habits say about me. I know I can get some of this reduced, and there are things I can learn about what makes me tick and what I need, just from looking at my habits.

In talking with my sister, she mentioned a person’s need to seek things out and ‘hunt and gather’ and I totally get that – perhaps more energy spent looking up trees to identify could be time better spent than two or three trips to the grocery store each week.

So, I’ve been really struggling with how best to use my financial records to make a solid budget for me to follow, and this month, I created a budget based on predictible, recurring expenses. Alas, life is anything but predictible, and my budget now appears to be what it is: wildly idealistic, unrealistic, and impossible to follow. Which does me no good.

If anything, I am cheered by the fact that I am still below my six-month monthly average, but it is only the 22nd, so that’s probably to be expected.

To further complicate matters, I am spending on behalf of other people in many cases, and it can be difficult to separate which things benefit me versus which benefit us versus which benefit others alone, plus these things are unpredictible in their consistency. This isn’t too bad; this is really just practice for the real deal, anyway.

I suppose the better method will be to track predictible expenses and aim for less than a 3- or 6-month average for other categories. I could isolate things by category and only try to reduce a few per month – books, say, or office supplies.

My next step will be to comb the internet and the public library for information about setting up a reliable budget. Clearly, this is going to take some practice.

It occurred to me last night that, due to unforeseen circumstances, I was pushed over my spending budget a little bit, but it’s not a catastrophy. Most of my financial goals are still safe as kittens for July.

Which makes me think I need to cultivate a kind of enthusiasm for these goals which doesn’t evanesce when I step over part of the line. Some goals are clearly all or nothing – score X on such-and-such test, get accepted to All U. this fall, etc – but my financial goals are a series of small tests, and failing at one doesn’t mean the rest aren’t possible. I need to remember that.

So, I’ve been recording all the money I spend every day and I just spent a little time trying to analyze the information; I made up a budget for July, and I am going to try as hard as I can to stick to it.

Until I can master my own poor instincts to spend money willy-nilly, I am going to be held back in my life, as I have in the past, by repeatedly not being able to do excellent things because I squandered funds I could have saved.

This is not going to be easy, but it will be worthwhile.

If you never have any money, it really stops you from participating in great things in life. I recognize that I need to figure out what makes me tick financially and master my own impulses to make money work for my life and not against it.

I’ve been recording all in and out transactions for the entire year in a homemade spreadsheet, which helps me take a closer look at where my money is coming from and where it is going. It helps me reflect on what I truly value, and which things are costing more than they give back. I go to the grocery store practically every other day – who knew? This is a really inefficient use of my time.

This will be an ongoing goal. What will I learn next?